Tuesday, January 19, 2010

All over the place

My emotions have been all over the place today. No reason. By the way, it was actually a good day too. I know, it doesn't make sense. Got a little teary, ok, maybe a little more than teary, when I was discussing heaven with some co-workers. They weren't sad tears though, it was the thought that Jared had all the answers to the questions that we were asking one another! The jealously factor came out and I began to long for heaven all the more again. I know my "job" on earth isn't done yet, so I need to focus on that. It also helps to have great co-workers who make me laugh when I start to get teary....thanks ladies!! :)

Looking at a journal today, got to the end and what verse was used as an example....you guessed it...Jeremiah 29:11. I always have the verse in my head, it's hanging up in my house, and one of the last things I see before I leave in the morning. I just hadn't had it jump out at me in an unexpected place lately. Good to see it, caused a few more tears, but it always seems like God is talking straight to me when that happens.

Heard a song today and one line was "I was blessed because I was loved by you." Again, the tears came, but I was still able to smile. I was so blessed and actually, I still am.

So, it was a bit of a weepy day, but they weren't sad tears and only lasted for a few moments.

I have been very reluctant to join any grief classes. I've thought that maybe it's been my pride, that I'm doing ok, etc. It finally dawned on me today, while talking with someone else, that I don't want to because I don't want to focus on me/my emotions/my feelings. I think I have mentioned before that I am inclined/like to read about other people who have lost a loved one. It is helpful for me to read their response to grief and how God work in their life to help them through it. I finally realized that is the reason for my reluctance. Don't get me wrong, I think those classes are great for people, and I may eventually want to attend, who knows. What I'm saying is that I know my personality, if I focus too much on myself and begin to have a pity party, I may fall apart. :) Right now, I'd rather keep my focus off of me and looking upwards towards Christ instead. Honestly, that's where my focus should be anyway, no matter what is going on in my life. It is not about me, although sometimes it may seem like it is! :)

That was my day.


  1. Beth,
    I understand about you not wanting to to to grief counseling because you don't want the focus to be on you...I guess my first thought was that you don't seem like the type of person to focus on "you". You are so thoughtful, loving and radiant to others. My thought about you going to grief counseling is not necessarily of what "you" would gain from it, but what you might give to it. I know how much strength you would bring to the group and how much others could gain from your spirit, your faith and from your love of Our Father in Heaven. You are such an awesome person and Jared was blessed to have you in his life and obviously he in yours. Take care. Karla Hoelscher

  2. Karla,

    Thanks for the encouragement! I've thought about that too. It is something that I am thinking through still. I'm sure that God will eventually have me doing something like that, especially with all He is teaching/showing me. Sounds daunting sometimes though....:) Thanks again for your kind words!


  3. I am always so encouraged to walk closer with the Savior when I visit your blog. Praising Him for His work in you! ~Beth