Monday, November 30, 2009


I had a great time with friends in Kentucky. A good Thanksgiving too, I only had one brief moment where I wanted to burst out crying, I was able to hold it together though. I think that was pretty good! To prove that you never know when things are going to hit you, the moment was during the prayer before dinner. Go figure. My best friend is from a large family also, so being with them is a lot of fun, they kept me busy and my mind off of my situation. They gave me a brand new Bible, it was one of the best gifts that they could have given me, it was so sweet of them. It was nice to escape for a bit, all the while being encouraged by great friends! Thanks to the fam in Kentucky!!!

I returned on Saturday to a beautiful day, which changed drastically today. We are expecting snow/sleet/ice in west Texas tomorrow. Which means that if it does happen, the whole town will shut down because they don't have the equipment to keep the roads clear. I find that funny being from Wisconsin where people still travel even if there is a blizzard. :)

At work this afternoon, we decorated the children's building for Christmas. I didn't think I would be able to handle it, but I did! I don't think I'm ready to decorate my own house, but at least it was a step in a good direction. I'm also considering finding my Christmas music. I enjoyed listening to it today while decorating, so maybe I should pull it out. We'll see though.

Well that's a little about what is going on this week. I'm still leaning heavily on the Lord. He is my source of strength, and the reason that I'm able to get up in the morning a make it through the day. His mercies are new every morning! I'm praying that "He will continue to fill my mouth with laughter" (which I do quite often), but more importantly "fill my lips with shouts of joy". Job 8:21

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, usually spent with family just hanging out, watching some football and eating lots of good food. This will be the third year that I don't go home for Thanksgiving, no one's fault but my own. First year I got to spent with my brother's new family, last year with those who would be become my new family, and this year I'm with fabulous friends.

Some of my favorite memories from the first Thanksgiving away from family, was being able to get to know my brother's wife's family, they are so wonderful! I remember watching the Cowboy's game, with cheerleaders included, need I say more?! Reeds, especially Granny, I know you miss someone around your table for the first time this year too!

Last year's memory included trying to cook Thanksgiving dinner so that Jared could eat everything. Jared and I were in charge of making the mashed potatoes out of cauliflower. It is actually good for those who are cringing right now. Some of the family not knowing that they weren't true potatoes, and hating them. Thinking that I had made them, they didn't say anything because they didn't want to offend me, so they politely said they were stuffed. Finding out later they hated them made Jared and I both laugh! Still laughing about it actually. :)

This year has yet to happen, but I know that it will be far different than I had anticipated six months ago. I'm sure I will still have a good time.

Although it will be far different, the reason for celebrating this holiday still remains the same, thanksgiving. Everyone has at least one reason to be thankful. My reasons for being thankful are many, but the one thing that I am most thankful for is that I am a child of the King! I am under His wing! I've seen the following verse twice today, which usually means I think God is trying to tell me something.

Psalm 121:1-3 (verse three is the one I've seen)

1. I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come?
2. My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
3. He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.

The rest of the chapter was great too, but I need to go to bed, so you'll have to read it yourself.

Happy Thanksgiving to y'all!

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Today, I had the privilege of helping to support the Make a Wish foundation. Our church was involved in the Race for Wishes, helping to grant wishes for children with life threatening illnesses. We had a great turnout from Stonegate, thanks to all who participated! It was an awful early morning, considering that I only got 3.5 hours of sleep last night. Had to be there at 7:00, ok, got there at 7:10 :) and it was cold. It turned into a beautiful day, getting out into the fresh air, walking (I don't run!), and enjoying the company of co-workers. The best part of the day was knowing that we were raising money to help families who are going through a difficult time. It was nice to take the focus off of my problems for a while. I know that I don't completely understand what these families are going through, but I think with having to go through my own experience of a "life-threatening" illness with my husband, I have an inkling of an idea. There is nothing I can change about my situation and it was great to give back a little after everything everyone did for me and Jared's family. Good times.

My life is crazy right now. I look back about five years ago and think about how "boring" my life was. Five years ago, I never would have expected my life to take this path that I am now on. But as difficult as my life is, how out of control it seems to be in my eyes, I am right where God wants me to be. I wouldn't trade my relationship with my Savior for anything! He loves me more than anyone else can, He died for me and gave me eternal life! What more could I ask for!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Heaven! 4 months ago today

I'm reminded that Jared passed from this life into His Savior's arms, four months ago today. Wow, I've made it a third of a year! You may not think that that is that amazing, but I do! Heard the song "One More Day" by Diamond Rio today and almost walked out of the store when it was playing. Then my thought was, no I shouldn't wish one more day, because Jared is having the time of his life in heaven worshiping our Lord and Savior. I wouldn't want him to leave that!! :)

I've had a good day today, I am truly blessed that God gave me my job here at Stonegate Fellowship. I couldn't have asked for a better group of co-workers. Since I don't have much of my family around here, it has been great to have a church family that helps support me in the everyday life. If I didn't have them, you may have seen me pack my bags and move back to Wisconsin. Sorry fam!! :) Reality, I don't think that would have happened either, God has placed me in Midland, TX for a reason, and unless I get the green light to go anywhere else, I'm here, waiting on God to reveal His next step/plan for me. It is actually kinda exciting! (Secret-I'm just praying He let's me stay in this area, I like it here.)

This poem has always been one of my favorites and for some reason, it came into my mind today. It may be familiar to you, but always a good reminder for me!

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

~The Weaver

I just heard these verses read, Hosea 6:1-3:

Come, let us return to the Lord. For He has torn us, but he will heal us. He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day that we may live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and he will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth.

I love it!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Great is His faithfulness

I will admit, I've had a bad attitude this week. (So much for the previous post!) My Bible study focused this week on how we should see the good in every season of our life. It talked about the relationship between our heart/mind and words/deeds. We may not be able to control our circumstances, but can control our attitude during the circumstances. This week, I didn't like that focus. I avoided doing the lesson until late last night. I am certain that didn't get what I should have out of it. The actual class for the study was this morning and I've been thinking about it since. I do need to change my attitude.

You know how difficult it is to listen to someone that complains all the time? You want to avoid them because you know the conversation will be all about them and how bad their life is, they are depressing people! (I'm sure that I've been one of those people lately!) It made me think about the relationship between us and God. I know that God doesn't avoid/ignore us when we complain to Him, but don't you think that He sometimes sits there, waiting for us to stop being so negative?! There are so many verses that tell us to rejoice when various trials come or ones that tell us how He helps us through our pain. We have the greatest Strength to go to when we have problems, yet our first instinct is to complain. I know when I trust God fully, I see His work in my life much more clearly. Why is that so hard to grasp sometimes?!

Anyway, as I sat at my desk I was listening to a CD of hymns and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness" was playing. It was an instant reminder that God is faithful and never changes, even when I am complaining. The words:
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.

He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13:8

Sunday, November 8, 2009


Ok, you know how I said that God isn't letting me forget that He has a plan. Well, I decided to youtube the song "Still" that I mentioned in my other post today. Here is the first one I selected:
I wasn't really paying attention to the actual video because I was sitting with my eyes closed, listening to the words. I opened my eyes at the end to see Jeremiah 29:11 come up on the screen! This isn't the first time that He has shown me things like this and I know it won't be the last, but I just had to share this one! His grace is sufficient!


Sometimes I don't know what to think. Some Sundays are good, and others are not. I'm thankful that today was a good Sunday. The memory of not having Jared here with me is always in my mind, but some days are easier than others. There are days that I see a picture of him and smile, other days the tears start come. Same with songs that I hear, especially during worship on Sundays. (They usually get me the worst!) Today they sang a song that on other days would start me crying, but today I could rejoice, smiling while I sang, it was great!
Part of the words were:

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

-Still by Hillsong

I loved the line that said "I will be still and know you are God." So often lately I have been forgetting that, not understanding why God is allowing certain things to happen. So many things have changed in my life, but there are some things that I didn't anticipate would happen. God seems to be slowly peeling things away in my life, forcing me to trust in Him completely. Refinement is not something that we volunteer for saying, "pick me Lord, I'm willing". Although I didn't pick it either, I am so extremely grateful that I have the most awesomest God who walks right beside me. People may fail us, hurt or disappointment may creep in, life may seem like a huge storm, but He is the King over it all. We just need to be still and know He is God. That's what I'm going to try to do this week.

My week slowly improved after Monday. Thankfully! I'm getting more and more used to my life now, although I'm sure you can tell I don't always like it. :) It reminds me of when my parents used to tell me "because I said so", without giving a reason. The same way it is with our Heavenly Father. I don't understand the reason and He hasn't given me one, but again I don't know the big picture, so I still have to trust that God has a plan!!! God isn't letting me forget that either!

Thanks all!!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Sixth Month Anniversary

Sorry to those who actually read this, it is one of those emotional days for me. I'll be laying my heart out there for you all to see.

As you can see by the title it is a significant day. It was six months ago today that I married the best man in the world! I was determined this morning that this day would not bring me down. Started off the day by reading the Word, asking God to give me a joyous day, and off to work I went. My dad called me telling me to check my email, which I did. What awaited me was some wonderful news, but then the emotions hit. Receiving that news was so bittersweet, and what bothered me the most was that I didn't have my husband here to share in the news. He would be so happy! It made me miss him so much more.

That began the downward spiral of my day. Things that I have no control over started bothering me. I had to fight back my tears as people discussed Christmas during a meeting at work. Believe me, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, so don't feel like you can't talk about the holidays around me, etc., but it is just hard for me to think about the holidays, knowing that I will never spend a Christmas with Jared as his wife. It is also the day that we got engaged which will make it even harder. I would love for the holidays to disappear this year, but I know that won't happen, so I must make the most of it!

I feel like such a failure on days like this. I shouldn't be so emotional, that just means that I'm not trusting God with everything. After all, "He knows the plans that He has for me". It means that I'm not rejoicing in the fact that Jared is in heaven, with His Savior, worshipping at His feet. It also means that I'm not relying on His strength to see me through these tough times. I told this to a friend today, and she looked at me with a screwed up face, saying didn't Jesus weep for His friend Lazarus?! Beth, God gave you these emotions! (I have the best co-workers!) Yes, she is right, but unfortunately, I'm a perfectionist. I want to work through this grief, trusting God that He will see me through, giving me the strength to handle everything.
Lord, please lead me in the path that you want me to go, leaning on You as my only source of strength. Please keep my thoughts fixed on You, knowing that You hold my life in your hands.

A line from a song comes to my mind "the darker the night, the brighter He can shine". I guess right now, as the tears flow down my face, I hope that although this a was dark day for me, tomorrow will be better, and I will be the vessel that He shines through.

Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. Believe me, I'm holding on to that tonight!! :)

Thanks all for your prayers, and for listening.