Saturday, April 24, 2010


I attended a Beth Moore simulcast today. The subject was on insecurities and how to move on from them. I loved her first quote, "insecurity is not a weakness, it is unbelief that God will do what He says." This may sound arrogant, but today I was trying to think of something that I am insecure about. As far as appearance, (yes, there are things about myself that if I could change, I would) I don't really compare myself to other people. I like to look nice, but as far as dressing in the lastest fashions, I don't really care. My hair is in a ponytail or hat most of the time because I care more about sleeping than styling my hair. On most days, my make-up consists of mascara and that is only because I look like I'm half awake if I don't wear it! I am a no nonsense kinda girl. I am a bit of a people pleaser, so I probably do have insecurities but I can't pinpoint specific ones.

There were some things that stood out to me during Beth's talk. At one point she used Proverbs 31:25: Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future. Beth made the point that this woman could smile at the future because she is secure in Christ and knows that He holds the future in His hand. I never looked at it that way. She trusts God.

Grace was another topic. By the grace of God, I am a new creature. She asked a good question. "How much do we take God up on His grace?" According to scripture, God's grace is sufficient, I Corinthians 12:9, but I know for myself, I don't always believe that. I try to take over because I don't feel like He is doing a good enough job. That isn't what I think when I try to do it myself, but ultimately, that is what I am telling Him when I do try to take over.

Lastly, the subject that really stood out to me was on love. It stood out because this week, God has been showing me other things about love in my Scripture digging on a different topic.
Ephesians 5:1-2, Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, and gave Himself up for us, and offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.
Remembering that I am loved is a difficult thing for me. I will admit that I got used to "love you" said to me all the time by Jared and it is something that I miss greatly. Yes, I know that I am loved by others, but having that one special person tell you that is wonderful. Someone mentioned to me last week, "Your husband is your Maker", Isaiah 54:5. I've thought about that on and off all week. Today it hit me (again), I am loved by the One who can love me like none other. I am His beloved child!
I John 4:18-21 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us. If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.
When we truly believe that God loves us as we are, we can trust Him with everything. To tie this back to insecurity.....if we trust Him completely, we have security!

Sidenote: she also talked about forgiveness in the "love" part of her talk. I loved when she told us that even if a person doesn't want to be forgiven, do it anyway, just to spite them! :)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


I am not skilled to understand
What God hath willed, what God hath planned;
I only know that at His right hand
Is One Who is my Savior!

I take Him at His word indeed;
“Christ died for sinners”—this I read;
For in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior!

That He should leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die,
You count it strange? So once did I,
Before I knew my Savior!

And oh, that He fulfilled may see
The travail of His soul in me,
And with His work contented be,
As I with my dear Savior!

Yea, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He Who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior!

I have loved this song for years, and enjoyed playing it many times in church. I recall when I was about fifteen years old, when my family was moving once again. At our "going-away" party, a wonderful family friend said something about each one of us. I don't remember exactly what he said when it came to me, however, I do remember him using this song. I heard this song today and I couldn't help but think about how fitting it is now in my life. This song sums up a lot, I'm not skilled to understand God's plans, but I can take Him at His word, because He died and became my Savior!

I said that God is challenging me again. I have been trying to figure out where I stand in regards to some passages of Scripture. This has been a little frustrating for me, because it has been confusing and difficult for me to understand. Hearing the above song today made me think that God has me where He wants me and He will reveal to me what He wants me to know in His timing. I can rest in that knowledge and in Philippians 1:6, that He who began a good work in me, will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Don't get me wrong, that doesn't excuse me from pursuing Him and constantly learning more about my Savior. I just don't need to get caught up in figuring it out all at once.

Hope that made sense....

Monday, April 19, 2010

Who knows

I mentioned a song a few posts ago that we sang at church on Easter Sunday. You can watch it, using the following link:

I returned from my trip safely, had a good time. Went and did a little more sightseeing on Saturday before I left, it rained, but who cares, I dried off! Saw a beautiful old mission, there was even a wedding going on inside. Climbed up part of the bell tower, I don't think you are normally allowed to do it, but they had unlocked it so the photographer could take pictures. Investigation was essential. There wasn't a guard or a sign that said "no trespassing", so I guess it was ok.....:) Yeah, I'm still part rebel.

I love old buildings, the architecture is so gorgeous and the details on most of the buildings are incredible to me. We have all the capabilities in this era to build amazing structures, but we don't do anything comparable. They were much more creative in the "olden" days and with less resources/machines/tools, etc. It is places like this that make me love this city! I really did have a good time on this trip, I got to thinking the last post made it sound like I had a difficult time. I did have a couple of moments, but all in all, it was great!

God is challenging me again, in a good way. Well, I guess every way is good, but nothing is going "wrong" right now. I'm trying to work through some things and I'm having to dig in His Word to try to find the answers. What a novel idea!! :) Interesting how He keeps keeping me on my toes, learning more and more about Him every day!

James 1:5-8 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by wind, for that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

Friday, April 16, 2010


Well, I took a road trip this weekend, still on it in fact, I leave tomorrow. I went to a place that is one of my favorite Beth and Jared memories. I wasn't sure if I wanted to come here, but I figured that I need to face this head on. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I went to the same places we went, ate at the same restaurant that we did, saw the same sites, but I didn't experience that deep pain that I was expecting. I was not anticipating going to all those places, I thought I was going to avoid them. I am also certain that when I was here two years ago it was on this same exact weekend. Ironic. I couple of things that I learned while here:

I still miss Jared......but

I can still enjoy the beauty of this place without him.

I don't have to dread things (I'm sure I still will), they may turn out better than I think.

I can face "memories" without losing it entirely.

I have to work through these memories, and get through these firsts.

I can still have fun!!

It was a difficult day but I'm glad that I made the trip and faced the music. One more thing down!

Monday, April 12, 2010


Continuation of the previous post....

One of the other things that I thought of at the conference this past weekend...we put labels on people. Some of the people at this conference had been labeled at one point in their lives. I'm labeled. Although I don't mind the term "widow", (I know that some women have an aversion to that title), it is technically what I am, but it doesn't define me. I remember telling my mom that I did not want people to look at me with sad eyes or treat me any differently than they had before. I was still Beth, could just cry more easily than I had before, if that was possible! :) Thankfully, I don't notice people treating me differently anymore, and I don't think of myself as a widow very often either. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much aware of the title, it just doesn't hit me as hard when I think about what that means. Sorry, took a rabbit trail there, back to labels. I know that when I see a person who has a "label", i.e. another widow, that label is something that I think of when I see them. I'm sure most of us do that. Why are the "bad" labels the first things that we think of? I don't want to be defined as a widow, a redhead, a staff member at Stonegate, a nice person, mean person, etc. I want to be defined as a child of God, a Godly woman, a follower of Christ. Why don't we label people that way? I will admit, those aren't the first labels that come to my mind about people. It makes me go back to the previous post about seeing people through God's eyes, loving them like He loves them. God knows that we are sinners, but He still sees us as His children and thankfully, that is how He sees us!

Well, I going to do some of that living life this week. I'm taking a road trip, yes by myself. I'm looking forward to getting out of Midland for a couple of days. Pray that nothing goes wrong and that I have a great time!

I know there was more that I was planning on blogging, but I can't remember right now, until next time.......

Friday, April 9, 2010

Lots on my mind

I have spent the last two days at a conference that the church I attend is hosting. I've been helping out, but what I've done a lot more of is watching, listening, and thinking. This conference is more of a support group, where they talk about something that the church has ignored for many years. To watch people attend something that proves that they have a "struggle" in their lives has been convicting to me. A couple of songs have been going through my head:

First one is by Natalie Grant, called "Perfect People":

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Second one is by Kari Jobe called "Beloved":

You're My beloved
You're My bride
To sing over you is My delight
Come away with Me My love

You're beautiful to Me
So beautiful to Me

Under My mercy
Come and wait
Till we are standing face to face
I see no stain on you
My child

You're Beautiful to Me
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace
Cast all your cares down at My feet
Come and find your rest in Me

I'll breathe My life inside of you
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings
And hide you in the shadow of My strength
I'll take you to My quiet waters
I'll restore your soul
Come rest in Me and be made whole.

Looking at the first song, we are such broken people. I remember a sermon that I heard by one of our pastors two weeks after Jared died on this very subject. Each one of us is broken, we all have struggles, some are more obvious than others, but that doesn't change anything. Society has taught us ignore it, never let them see you when your breaking. We live our lives hidden behind a mask and forget to be honest with each like God tells us to, i.e. bearing one another's burdens. We are filled with pride, wanting people to only see the surface. Don't you appreciate it more when people are honest with you? I know it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one that doesn't have it all figured out/put together. If we could only look at one another the way God sees us. This is where the second song comes in. We are His beloved, bride, He sees no stain on us anymore (if we are His child), and we are beautiful to Him! That is the other thing that we focus on, the struggle or sin that ensnares us instead of letting God take it away and making us more like Him. Why can't we (and I mean "I") remember that!

One of the speakers tonight used the following verse:

Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

Can you imagine if we were filled with Christ's love like that, how much more we could pour out that love to others, not judging them for the "stuff" that is in their lives?!

Sidenote, the other speaker, one of our pastor's wives, was so good tonight. I have never heard her speak and it was a great encouragement to me. She spent the time focusing on the future, what God will do in people's lives if we let Him. It was interesting because during some downtime today, I went back to my office to get some work done, then I began to work on my Bible study. One verse that was in the study was:

1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God that He may exult you at the proper time.

It stuck out to me, because I'm working through some things right now, and God is humbling me a little (ok, maybe a lot). Interesting thing, she used that same verse, yeah, God's talking to me again......

That's all for now, goodnight.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Easter and otherness

I had a great Resurrection Sunday. I got a few, how are you doing, especially since it is a holiday etc. I'll admit, Easter wasn't one of the major holidays at our family's house. Yes, it is a special day, we had the Easter dinner and all that, but that was about it. Ok, we also dressed up in our finest! :) But I think the reason that it wasn't a bad day was because of the reason for the day. Jesus rose from the dead to give us eternal life! If we didn't have any reason to celebrate this, I wouldn't know that Jared was in heaven. I could rejoice this past Resurrection day because of Jesus love for us and I couldn't help but sing Hallelujah! We sang a song on Sunday that I just loved. It was called "God Be Praised". Here are the words:

You saved my life from death
When I was all defeated
You spoke Your promises
And brought life to my weakness
Came as a conquering King
And You warred for my freedom
My soul can’t help but sing

You opened up my eyes
For the first time I saw You
Your love commanding life
And deserving devotion
You told me who I am
Now in faith I believe it
My soul can’t help but sing

You’ve made a place for me
Silenced all my accusers
Leading me forth with peace
Filled with joy I will follow
Your cross demands my life
Now Your grace is my anthem
My soul can’t help but sing

Hallelujah, we’re redeemed and made free
By the blood of the Lamb We have won
Hallelujah, we will sing victory
Jesus conquered the grave
God be praised

I couldn't help but cry (happy tears) on Sunday when I heard this song, and especially when the entire congregation stood up in worship. It really was amazing! We are so blessed, we have victory in Jesus because He conquered the grave!! I'm still smiling!

Anyway, I came across some verses this week that I wanted to share.
2 Samuel 22, specifically verses 2-3. The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My Savior, You save me from violence.
Prov. 18:10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs into it and is safe.

Those are so powerful. Look at the result of what we have if we are one of His children. What do we have to fear? God is everything that we need! I know I have said all this before, but God has been reminding me of this all again this week. We are planning our 5th/6th grade camp and the basis is going to be the names of God and how He is our source for all our needs. It has been great to sit in the meetings and be encouraged!

It's been a busy week, but a good one!

Friday, April 2, 2010

Happiness is....

A NEW STOVE!!! Finally, after months of not having an oven, my new stove has arrived. With the old stove, we were able to use the burners, only if you turned the breaker on. However, if you left the breaker on, the fan (it's a Jenn-Air) would constantly run. So we had to keep flipping it off and on to use it. My brother did a great job, and I even got to help with the demolition of the built in stove area. :) Here is a picture, I know, ya'll don't care, but I think it is fantastic!

The other great thing is I put my hallway back together after the slab leak. I hope I did it right, but it looks much like it did before the carpet was pulled up. Maybe I should be a carpet

Anyway, I'll post more later, I'm off to my adopted Texas mom's birthday party!