Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Loving Life

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.  Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.  Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:4-7

Our family has had to remind ourselves of those verses quite frequently in the past few months.  We've had to seek the Lord for some major decisions and God certainly gives peace that surpasses understanding when you follow the steps and paths that He has for you. 

Lots of things have changed.  We now have a 14 month old, which is so hard to fathom, where has time gone?! Miss E is doing well, she is beginning to talk or use sign language for communication and is walking everywhere.  People frequently ask us how old she is because they don't expect someone so small to be walking.  She only weighs about 17.5 lbs and is just now beginning to wear size 12 month clothes.  She loves all the animal mounts that we have in the house and gets excited when the Outdoor Channel is on or when she sees animals.  I think she may be a bit of a tomboy.  On the other hand, she has a necklace that she loves to wear around the house.  All you have to do is tell her that she is pretty and she beams.  Her favorite thing is food and eats so much! I'm still trying to figure out where she puts it all.  She is still a fairly serious girl, but smiles and laughs a lot more than she used to. 

Over 6 months ago Mr. E was approached by another company with a job offer.  Our initial reaction was that we were not going to take it because it involved a move.  Well, after much prayer and consideration, we felt that God wanted us to accept the new position.  As much as neither one of us wanted to leave where we were living, we are now so happy we did. We are enjoying our new residence and looking forward to the plans that God has for us here.  Jer. 29:11

This has been the year of having to lean on the Lord, especially with all the changes.  I love it when I can see the reasons that God does things or doesn't do things in our lives.  Things that we were planning on pursuing were either shut down or never got to take off like we wanted and we can now see why.  I'm so glad that I am not in charge of my life, I would certainly make a huge mess of it, if I got to make the decisions that I wanted to make.  I know that God won't always tell us the "why" and sometimes we just have to trust, but this year, He did show us some of the reasons.  We are always thankful for God's grace, provision and guidance.   He certainly knows what is best!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Misconception/5 years

I have had this post on my mind for quite a while, about 3 months now.  I am always hesitant to write about the thoughts that go through my head about my first husband and what it is like as a wife again with those memories.  I am afraid that people will get the wrong impression about my now husband and our lives together, possibly thinking that because I still have those first memories that our relationship/marriage is diminished/tainted.  Just so you know, that is so very far from the truth. Our church did a series a while back on "Scars, not in vain" and that series is primarily the reason why I decided to write this post. 

On the first week of the series, one of our pastors told the story of his "scar", the loss of his brother to suicide about eight years ago.  As I watched him tell his story, I was filled with so much emotion.  It felt like my "scar" was being ripped open.....again.  He then proceeded to tell about how he has continued to wrestle with God about the whys, how much God has taught him and how he still has so many memories, which is what stuck with me the most. I think one misconception that people may have is, just because I have "moved on" with my life, doesn't mean that I still don't have memories and emotional moments in my life.

Every year, the months of May, June and July bring back a flood of memories.  May is the month we got married and on the last day of that month, he was admitted into the hospital.  June was a month of many downs, the month we were told that what Jared had was pretty much incurable, unless the Lord intervened.  July, of course, was the month he went to be with the Lord.  I am grateful for the people who still remember these times with me.  There is one person in mind who acknowledges my first wedding day every year.  It means a lot to me that I'm not the only one who remembers (outside of my family).  Although these months can still be emotional to this day, the alternative is much worse, never having the memories at all.

One of the hardest things that I've had to deal with over the past five years is having all my memories and not being able to share them with someone.  For example, you know how you talk about your wedding day with your spouse or the funny things that have happened to you and you reminisce about things that have done together?  The things that are just between the two of you?  Yeah, all those memories are just mine and only mine.  I was reminded of one of the memories recently and I laughed about it and then realized that no one else would get the humor of that situation, you had to have been there. 

If I really stop and think about Jared, it amazes me how much my memory of him has not faded.  I can still picture distinct things about him, the way he walked, talked and primarily the way he moved his hands.  That may sound odd and I can't describe why that is distinctive to me, but its true.  Different things still trigger memories, anytime I watch tennis I'm reminded of how he tried to teach me (I didn't learn very well); skiing, I've only ever been skiing with him; when I walk past the area where he served on Sundays at church I remember meeting him there after church was over; every time I go into town, I drive past the cemetery.  Some may think that would trigger a bad memory, but it doesn't, because he is not there, his earthly body may be buried there, but that is it.  However, it does not stop me from remembering.  I still cherish all my memories, because that is a part of my life that will never go away, it is a part of me, the story that God wrote for my life.  I will forever be the only wife that Jared had, that's pretty special and a great honor. :)

Recently, I woman that I know, lost her son-in-law in a car accident.  Her daughter is now walking the journey of widowhood at the age of 29.  When I received the news, my heart broke for her and I cried for her....a lot!  I replayed those first few days that I went through, five years ago, in my head. One of the things I remembered was that although my heart was torn apart, I had the Great Physician by my side, who I knew was going to take my brokenness and turn it into something good, if not great.  It took a while, but it happened and will continue to happen in my life. It was a journey that I had a lot of help with, but also a journey that was mostly spent with just the Lord and me.  A journey that I will never forget. 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

7 months old

I know that I don't post many pictures of Miss E, so I thought I would do a quick update. These pictures were taken recently, around her seven month birth date.

It took forever to get this smile!
She sucks in her bottom lip all the time.
This is her normal look.  She has to analyze things before she shows any expression.

She is now sitting up on her own and crawling.  YAY!  I know you may not think that is a good thing, but she doesn't get as bored now that she is more mobile.  She loves food, when we get her bowl out, she gets excited.  She picked up on how to clap this week and all you have to say is "clap, clap" and she begins to clap.  It makes us laugh.  She is so much fun!

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Things I love....

.......about my husband.

Recently, we celebrated our second wedding anniversary.  We had someone watch Miss E and we went out for dinner, by ourselves!  That was a first!  I thought it would be strange not to have her with us, but honestly,  it didn't feel that different.  I will admit that after dinner, I wanted to text her caregiver and ask how things were going, but I refrained.  Thankfully, within about two minutes after I thought about texting, the person sent us a picture of her and she was fine and having fun.  It was nice to have that reassurance, although I knew she was in very capable hands.

Anyway, back to the title of my post.  Significant days, like anniversaries, make me think about what makes that day special.  I personally, loved my wedding day.  It was the perfect day for a wedding and it went just the way I (we) wanted it to.  What made the day the most special was that I got to marry Mr. E.  He is so perfect for me and here are some things that make him so great!

*He is an incredible Godly man.  He reads the Scripture to us and his prayer life is amazing.   I cannot recall a time that he has not prayed before we make a decision and we sit down to discuss plans for our lives.  He prays for all of us every night before going to bed, every time we leave the house and every morning before he leaves, he prays that Miss E and I have a good day.  Amazing!

*He is always thinking, pushing himself (and me) to be all that God wants us to be.  He isn't content to just meander through life, he wants to make a difference in people's lives.

*He is a wonderful provider.  He provides for our family in numerous ways, not just financially, but also in ways like hunting and gardening.  Ever since I have know him, there has always been a freezer full of meat and since we have been married, he has planted a garden that produces lots of veggies.

*He is a great dad.  Just this morning, I was running late for my workout class and he got Miss E changed and ready to go for me.  I know I've posted this before, but I love how he interacts with her.  I can sing the "Itsy Bitsy Spider" song to her and she may grin, but if he sings it (he has his own rendition), she smiles every time.

*He is a wise and caring husband.  Whether or not I am having a good or bad day, he wants to know, he listens to my problems, concerns and everyday ramblings. He helps me through situations that I may not know how to handle and gives me Godly advice.  He is a fabulous head of our household!

*He can make a friend with anyone in two seconds.  That amazes me, I cannot do that.  Having conversations with strangers comes so easily to him.  He is so likeable and easy to talk with that people feel comfortable with him. 

*He makes me laugh and now that we have been married for a while, he tends to tease me more.  Most of the time when he does tease me, it is when I least expect it.  He keeps me from taking my life too seriously.

Those are just a few things that I love about Mr. E.  I am looking forward to the future that God has for us and I know that because I am married to Mr. E, our lives will continue to be a great adventure!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Yesterday and other topics

I had one of those emotional moments yesterday....I haven't had one in quite a while, at least not related to the following subject. :)  Mr. E was working in his home office yesterday morning and I had to run to the store for a couple of items.  Miss E was sleeping, so for the first time in months, I went to the store by myself.  It was a strange feeling, leaving the house with just me and my purse.  It was even stranger getting to drive my truck.  This is the truck that I inherited after Jared passed away, it is a single cab, standard 5-speed.  I haven't been able to drive it in a while, because Miss E can't ride in the front seat with me.  Driving down the road, I got to thinking about the memories of driving in this vehicle.  Then it hit me, yesterday, March 11th would have been Jared's 32nd birthday.  I thought it ironic that the first time I've driven this truck in a while, happens to be a significant day.  I must say I got a little teary-eyed thinking about it.  Thankfully, I recovered quickly and enjoyed the rest of the drive.  Jared loved this truck and so do I, it is with mixed feelings that this truck is going to go to a new home soon, but I know that that person will enjoy the truck as much as I have. 

I have discovered crock pot cooking.  It is amazing.  Since Miss E has arrived, dinner times have been sporadic, depending on when she sleeps/plays long enough for me to cook.  My menus were also limited because of the time crunch.  Monday, I threw a roast in the crock pot at lunch and by the time Mr. E got home there was a nice meal waiting for him.  I'm now on the third day of crock pot cooking.  I am able to get dinner going while Miss E takes a nap in the morning and then clean the kitchen too.  I don't have to think about it the rest of the day, it's great!

Well, I was going to post more, but the little stinker is waking up.  Enjoy your week!

Monday, February 10, 2014


I've been remiss in blogging.  To be honest, it has been a rough couple of weeks.  I sometimes feel like I'm barely staying afloat.  This past week, both Mr. E and I had food poisoning.  Thankfully, we had it four days apart so we weren't both down at that same time and someone could watch Miss E.  Speaking of Miss E, she is doing well.  Growing way too fast!  She likes to be busy, constantly.   She seems to get bored quickly with things, so you have to move her from her different "play areas" to keep her interest.  Sleeping has been an issue.  For the past couple of weeks, she has slept for no more than three hours at a time during the night.  It has usually been about two to two and a half hours.  The last couple of days have been a bit better, waking up every two and a half to four hours.  I hope this is a new trend and she will continue to improve. 

Now that we're caught up on the little stuff, we can now get to real subject of this post.  I've had this post in my brain for about a month. 

Late last year, Mr. E was approached with a new opportunity.  When we initially heard the details of this opportunity, we weren't really impressed.  We prayed about it (I will admit, not fervently), but in the end, decided it wasn't something that we wanted to get involved in.  We still continued to pray about it over the weekend and we felt right about declining.  Monday came and Mr. E was going to tell the people our decision.  Through a couple of things that happened that morning before he had a chance to make the call, we thought God was telling us to wait and perhaps we should reconsider.  Over the course of a couple of weeks, different things opening up, we felt like God wanted us to change our minds.  He seemed to be opening doors that we didn't expect and that was what we were praying for Him to do.  We finally got to the point that we were in, we were going to go for it and we informed the people that we were willing to take this new opportunity, there were just a few things to tie up.  We waited a day or two for them to finish the details and then Mr. E called to check the status.  We didn't get the answer we were expecting, in those couple of days, the opportunity vanished.  I was shocked, didn't see it coming.  God slammed the door after we thought He was giving us a clear path.  I will also admit I got really irritated about it and somewhat frustrated with God.  I just didn't understand why He would have us go through all of this and then pull the rug out from under us.  I think it was the next Sunday that one of our pastors had a sermon on faith.  It was hard to sit through because it was so convicting to me.  He talked about the two different types of faith from Matthew 8......"centurion" faith and "boat" faith.  The centurion had faith that God could heal his servant without Jesus even coming to his house.  The disciples' faith was non-existent during a storm while Jesus was sleeping on the boat with them.  It reminded me how often I look at circumstances around me instead of looking to God for help and guidance.  In this situation that we were going through, I thought I knew what was best for us.  My faith was small, not understanding that God had a better plan.  I think we can catch a glimpse now as to why the opportunity fell apart, but at the time, I questioned God.  It isn't always easy for me to trust, but God isn't letting me forget this sermon, so I know that He's working on that in me!