Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Things I'm Learning

I know, I'm not keeping up on blogging.  When I sit down now, I usually only have one arm and that makes typing quite difficult.  Most of the other "downtime" is spent running around like a crazy woman trying to get caught up on the housekeeping duties! 

Before reading the following, remember this disclaimer and please don't misconstrue what I'm saying!  **I love my daughter immensely, I am so thankful that God gave her to us and I wouldn't change my life now for anything!

Being parent is not easy.  I'm hearing the "duhs" loudly.  Someone asked me this question a few weeks ago, "Don't you just love being a mom?"  It took me off guard and to be honest, I couldn't say yes. (Disclaimer)  In the earlier weeks after she was born, I really struggled.  Most of it came down to pure selfishness.  I had spent the last 15ish years of my life doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it.  Not anymore.  As much as I'm trying not to let her completely take over our lives, it still has happened.  Miss E's needs takes precedence over getting my teeth brushed, dinner cooked and most important, sleep!  Mr. E and I have pretty much done everything together since we got married.  Even if it was going ten minutes down the road to fill up a gas can for the lawn mower.  There is no jumping in the truck and doing that anymore. Mind you, we still do it, but it is more of a production to get out of the house.  I'm learning to get over my selfishness, but it still creeps up!

Adding to the everyday physical struggles of being a parent, I struggle(d) with the emotional and spiritual weight.  I am now responsible for someone else.  Yeah, I help my husband, but he could still take care of himself if he needed to.....she can't. I question myself a lot about "am I good mom?"
"am I doing things right?", etc.  Then the spiritual side, raising her up to love the Lord and teaching her about His Word.  It is all just a heavy responsibility when I think about it.

So to answer the question,  Yes, I love being a mom, but sometimes the struggles seem overwhelming and tend to steal the joy of having her.  I guess the lesson here is to not focus on the hard parts and trust that God gives me the wisdom I need to be a mom.  I'm going to have to do lots of praying!  Maybe that is the reason why I get up at least three times a night. :)

We are doing well, finally into a better routine.  It took a while for Miss E to realize that there was nothing going on at night to stay up for.  Now if only she would learn to sleep more during the day.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!