Sometimes I don't know what to think. Some Sundays are good, and others are not. I'm thankful that today was a good Sunday. The memory of not having Jared here with me is always in my mind, but some days are easier than others. There are days that I see a picture of him and smile, other days the tears start come. Same with songs that I hear, especially during worship on Sundays. (They usually get me the worst!) Today they sang a song that on other days would start me crying, but today I could rejoice, smiling while I sang, it was great!
Part of the words were:
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
-Still by Hillsong
I loved the line that said "I will be still and know you are God." So often lately I have been forgetting that, not understanding why God is allowing certain things to happen. So many things have changed in my life, but there are some things that I didn't anticipate would happen. God seems to be slowly peeling things away in my life, forcing me to trust in Him completely. Refinement is not something that we volunteer for saying, "pick me Lord, I'm willing". Although I didn't pick it either, I am so extremely grateful that I have the most awesomest God who walks right beside me. People may fail us, hurt or disappointment may creep in, life may seem like a huge storm, but He is the King over it all. We just need to be still and know He is God. That's what I'm going to try to do this week.
My week slowly improved after Monday. Thankfully! I'm getting more and more used to my life now, although I'm sure you can tell I don't always like it. :) It reminds me of when my parents used to tell me "because I said so", without giving a reason. The same way it is with our Heavenly Father. I don't understand the reason and He hasn't given me one, but again I don't know the big picture, so I still have to trust that God has a plan!!! God isn't letting me forget that either!