I've had a few things on my mind these last couple of weeks. This is going to be one of those entries that I'm writing down what I'm working through, I don't have it all worked out and it may not make sense to anyone but me.
First of all:
It was our Elements service on March 7th. This service is worship, baptism, baby dedication and communion all in one night. It's actually my favorite service to go to. The pastor who led was talking before communion about how we need to examine ourselves and make certain that we don't have unconfessed sin in our lives. He also mentioned that if you have anything against a person or if you know someone has something against you, you should go to them and talk about it. That all began a thought process in me, mainly about forgiveness. God forgives us A LOT for our sins and thank goodness He keeps forgiving us. I'm all for forgiveness, God tells us that we need to forgive and I need to follow God's commands. Then there is the phrase that we created "I'll forgive, but I will never forget". Is that really forgiveness then? We may not actually forget but I think with that attitude we still harbor ill will towards someone who may have wronged us. I guess my conclusion so far in regards to forgiveness is to make sure that I forgive others like I should, not letting bitterness creep in, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, pressing on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:13-14) If that is our goal, then we should truly be able to forgive and forget! :)
I don't know how to start with this one, so I'm just going to jump in.
I had my first "set up" last week. We both walked into it knowing that it may not work, and it didn't (for those who are wondering), but for a day or two it somewhat forced me to look towards the future. I have thought about it off and on, but haven't really dwelt on it too much. I was also asked if I was even ready for a step like this, as it's only been eight months. (Side note, I didn't even realize until today that it was eight months yesterday, not sure how I feel about that.) I joined an online group for widows and widowers a few months ago. It is fascinating to read all the different stories, comments, etc. This past week the conversation was about this topic of new relationships. Some say that they want to find that certain someone who can fill the loneliness that is left, others got upset when they thought of marrying someone else and that person then being considered a father/mother to their children. Others didn't even want to consider it yet or ever. Back to me, I'm not sure if I will ever be "ready". Is anyone ever ready for another relationship after losing a spouse? Do I want to get remarried, yes, will I wake up one day and say, ok I'm ready now, I doubt it. My response to the question was I don't know, but if that is what God brings into my life I want to be willing to take that step. God knows when I will be ready, so I guess I don't have think about it too much anyway.
I was reminded today of something that came up in a Bible study recently. The subject was on how we worry about what the future holds. The quote was "God doesn't give us strength for our vain imaginations". So often we begin to worry about what might be, what might happen, and our minds think up all the things that can go wrong. God gives us strength for what we are walking through today.
Matthew 6:34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.
I write notes on my hands so I can remember them. Look at this verse, do you ever think God is going to forget you and the future He has planned for you?!
Isaiah 49:16 Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.
What a great thing it is to not only be inscribed in His hand but to also be in His grip! Sounds to me like He's got everything under control.