Hard weekend

It's been a difficult weekend. Friday, I came across something that caused me lots of aggravation and I had a hard time letting it go and it affected my weekend. I hold onto things and I let them get to me, that's my personality. I shouldn't do that, I know.

Saturday I helped some family move. It actually went really well and my muscles don't hurt, at least not as much as they should have been! Working out must be helping.

Slab leak. I had a co-worker (plumber) come over to try to fix the leak. The leak wasn't where we all thought it was, so I have two holes in my floor. One in the bathroom and one in the doorway of my bedroom.





The co-worker has worked so hard to get this fixed. He was here for about 8 hours on Saturday, the pipes were being such a pain. I told him that if you associate yourself with me, things will be much more difficult to deal with. :) The leak is fixed to the point of having water again! We just need to fill the holes and cover them up, yippee!
So great to have people you know help with aggravating things like this!

I realized this weekend that when I more tired, the little things seem so much bigger and overwhelming. It is so hard for me to stop and remember that God is in charge! He knows what is going on, nothing takes Him by surprise! I shouldn't worry about things so much and how it is going to work out.

That's all for now, I'm still tired and thinking is difficult.

Better, Seasons

Sleep does wonders for me. I was able to sleep through the night last night and I feel much better today. When I'm not in a good mood my posts aren't very uplifting are they?! Sorry about that.

I came across a couple of verses on my "verse of the day" calendar today that were interesting to me:

Song of Solomon 2:11-12 For behold, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers have already appeared in the land; the time has arrived for pruning the vines, and the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land.

I've been thinking about them off and on today. Spring is kinda here in Texas. It is going to be about 70 degrees every day this week. Winter is past, at least I hope so, things are beginning to look green, the trees are beginning to bud, and there are lots of birds around. The flowers have even begun to bloom, here are a couple that bloomed a few weeks ago at my house, I have more coming up!



FYI-That flower bed looks much better now that it is cleaned out!

Back to the verse, I've been thinking about it in terms of life. Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that there is a time/season for everything, that God makes everything beautiful (appropriate) in HIS time. Not only do we go through the changes in the weather seasons, we go through changes/seasons in our lives. I've been a season these last few months. Some days it feels like a winter season, and other days feel like summer, with some spring and fall days thrown in. It all depends. Even though yesterday was a frustrating day, it wasn't a winter day, more like a fall day, and today was more like summer day. I pray that as God keeps refining me, the season of my life also changes. I love the fact that it is spring here, and I do feel like there is a spring season happening in my life. A renewal, an excitement for what God is planning, a hope for what the future holds.

Jeremiah 31:17 "There is a hope for your future," declares the Lord.

Psalm 38:15 For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God.

Leaks

There are some days that I feel burdened down with life. So far, that is what this week has consisted of. I just told someone that I would like to run away from home.

Saturday, I heard some strange noises in my bathroom. I had very little hot water when I took a shower. I thought the water heater was constantly running and called my home warranty company to send someone to look at it. Well, Sunday afternoon I walked into my bathroom and the floor was quite warm. At first I thought it was because the sun was streaming through the skylight. Funny thing, when it was pitch dark outside, the floor was still hot. Before I even called my brother to come over, I figured out that I had a slab leak. Houses in Midland, TX aren't built on foundations, they are built on concrete slabs and the water pipes are put in the concrete (at least that's what I understand). I have a leak in one of the pipes. Fixing it will entail going through the bathroom floor, through the concrete, to get to the pipe. Thankfully, there is a guy at work who is a plumber and he's going to help get it fixed.

I will admit, I was mad when I found this new problem. I actually punched the wall with my fist, I'm not a redhead for nothing! One of the thoughts that I had, and this is really one of the first times that I've had this kind of thought, "Jared, you are supposed to be here to deal with these kinds of things!!" I've said that I pretty much used to my life as it stands now, but it's during these times that I miss having that person tell me that it is going to be ok, it's no big deal. Yes, my brothers told me that, but it just isn't the same. I hate the fact that I have to call my brother and take him away from his wife, especially since he already works so much. He didn't sign up to have to take care of me and my problems. I couldn't help but think again, "how much more do I have to go through". Since Jared passed away, I've dealt/dealing with wrecking a truck, my stove and dishwasher breaking, needing a new roof, now a slab leak. Not to mention all the legal/financial and other random things I've dealt with to get the estate settled. I know there has been other things too. I keep reminding myself that I love my life, but sometimes I get frustrated. I know life isn't going to be easy, but can I just have a little break from it all!?!?! Add on the issue of being exhausted already this week, that problem is usually towards the end of the week when the lack of sleep adds up. I know I'm complaining and that will get me no where, but I needed to vent and have a pity party!!

March Madness

What can I say, I love sports! College basketball is a favorite. I love the first weekend of this madness, filled with upsets (we won't talk about WI), overtime games, just a lot of fun. This tournament is followed by the next best season....baseball. I love baseball, the Atlanta Braves to be exact. I would like to go to every baseball stadium in the country. I should really get started on that goal...I've been to one. Throw a little hockey into this time of year and it's perfect. The Stanley cup...what more can you say?! I went to an Odessa Jackalopes hockey game last night. Not quite the hockey that I remember in the north, but a good game none the less. The coach from the visiting team was ejected, along with a couple of players from that team also. A pretty good fight thrown in too. Odessa won and I enjoyed the time spent with some friends and family.

Hard to believe the weekend is over. I've had an enjoyable weekend. I was able to get some yard work accomplished. My flower beds in the front courtyard area are almost cleaned out. I had no idea there were that many leaves in such a small area. Six 40 gallon-sized bags full of leaves and whatever else had blown in! I borrowed a hedge trimmer and I must say that the power "tools" of yard work are much more fun than the manual labor tools, i.e. a rake. It was a beautiful day to get the work done and I really enjoyed doing it. The best part of the day was dinner at the Reeds with family and friends, and some hot tub time afterward.

Our pastor had a great sermon this morning. I am so blessed to attend a church where sound doctrine is preached and I come away from Sundays either encouraged or convicted. I must say that I prefer the encouraging sermons, but I know I need the convicting ones as well. Today's sermon was entitled "A Daily Fight for My Fullest Joy". When we fully trust God and ask for wisdom regarding HIS will for our lives, we can experience the joy that only God can give us. I'm paraphrasing here. We should constantly be in the Word, dying to ourselves, pursuing Godliness, waiting on the Lord, asking for His wisdom, and being transformed into His likeness so that we can bring honor and glory to His name. (My comments now.) It isn't about us!!! Yes, God loves us, that's why He died for us, but it still is all about Him. He brings us through trials to refine us and make us more like Him, but the ultimate reason is not for us, it is for HIM and His glory. Our joy will be complete when we die to ourselves and give Him glory for everything. I hope this makes sense.....

Anyway, I need to go to the store, food is mighty sparse around this house. Hope you all have a great Monday!

Few things

I've had a few things on my mind these last couple of weeks. This is going to be one of those entries that I'm writing down what I'm working through, I don't have it all worked out and it may not make sense to anyone but me.

First of all:

It was our Elements service on March 7th. This service is worship, baptism, baby dedication and communion all in one night. It's actually my favorite service to go to. The pastor who led was talking before communion about how we need to examine ourselves and make certain that we don't have unconfessed sin in our lives. He also mentioned that if you have anything against a person or if you know someone has something against you, you should go to them and talk about it. That all began a thought process in me, mainly about forgiveness. God forgives us A LOT for our sins and thank goodness He keeps forgiving us. I'm all for forgiveness, God tells us that we need to forgive and I need to follow God's commands. Then there is the phrase that we created "I'll forgive, but I will never forget". Is that really forgiveness then? We may not actually forget but I think with that attitude we still harbor ill will towards someone who may have wronged us. I guess my conclusion so far in regards to forgiveness is to make sure that I forgive others like I should, not letting bitterness creep in, forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, pressing on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:13-14) If that is our goal, then we should truly be able to forgive and forget! :)

Secondly:

I don't know how to start with this one, so I'm just going to jump in.
I had my first "set up" last week. We both walked into it knowing that it may not work, and it didn't (for those who are wondering), but for a day or two it somewhat forced me to look towards the future. I have thought about it off and on, but haven't really dwelt on it too much. I was also asked if I was even ready for a step like this, as it's only been eight months. (Side note, I didn't even realize until today that it was eight months yesterday, not sure how I feel about that.) I joined an online group for widows and widowers a few months ago. It is fascinating to read all the different stories, comments, etc. This past week the conversation was about this topic of new relationships. Some say that they want to find that certain someone who can fill the loneliness that is left, others got upset when they thought of marrying someone else and that person then being considered a father/mother to their children. Others didn't even want to consider it yet or ever. Back to me, I'm not sure if I will ever be "ready". Is anyone ever ready for another relationship after losing a spouse? Do I want to get remarried, yes, will I wake up one day and say, ok I'm ready now, I doubt it. My response to the question was I don't know, but if that is what God brings into my life I want to be willing to take that step. God knows when I will be ready, so I guess I don't have think about it too much anyway.

I was reminded today of something that came up in a Bible study recently. The subject was on how we worry about what the future holds. The quote was "God doesn't give us strength for our vain imaginations". So often we begin to worry about what might be, what might happen, and our minds think up all the things that can go wrong. God gives us strength for what we are walking through today.

Matthew 6:34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.

I write notes on my hands so I can remember them. Look at this verse, do you ever think God is going to forget you and the future He has planned for you?!

Isaiah 49:16 Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.

What a great thing it is to not only be inscribed in His hand but to also be in His grip! Sounds to me like He's got everything under control.

Can't think of a title

There are some days that thinking up a title for the post is too difficult and this would be one of them. :)

Midland, Texas weather is fascinating.

On Saturday it warmed up to about 70 degrees and we (my roommate and I) were able to get outside and rake up some of the leaves in the back yard. We filled five trash bags up and we didn't even dent the actual yard. The trees in my yard are beautiful, so I guess the work is worth it....maybe. My brother came over, cleaned out the gutters and pushed the leaves and pine needles off of the top of the shed. Reminder: have the brother come over and do that prior to cleaning off the deck, less work.

Sunday was especially nice, around 80. I pulled a comfy chair out on the deck (which is off of my bedroom) and read, tried to sleep, listened to the neighbors call for their cat Shelby for about 1.5 hours, played Words with Friends (Scrabble) and managed to get sunburned. Sunburn wasn't bad, just enough to notice that I was pink.

Monday...high in the 40s and rain. Dreariness, but I know we should never complain about rain in west Texas. We can always use it.

I heard a song today, twice, Cry Out to Jesus by Third Day.

Chorus:
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

I don't really have anything to say about that, other than I thought of Matthew 5:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God.
Blessed are those who have been persecuted the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when men cast insults at you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on account of Me.
Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward is heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

One certain verse stood out. I know this will be a shock: Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Two things about that verse. The first one "blessed are those who mourn", it actually says blessed!! Wrap your head around that! I'm blessed in mourning, who woulda thunk it! The next line, "for they shall be comforted". God promises comfort. There is no possibilities like, "they may be comforted" it is an absolute, "they shall be comforted". That is so encouraging.

I'm having a perfectly fine day, these are just some thoughts that I had today.

Peacocks

I have felt awkward sharing this story with everyone. Kinda seemed like I was tooting my own horn, and that's not what I want to do. Here goes anyway, because I want to remember this at a later date.

A friend of mine came to me a couple of weeks ago and asked (with tears in her eyes, she's so sweet!) if she could take a picture of me for a photography class. The homework was to tell a story using a photo. She proceeded to tell me that she had read recently about peacocks and their feathers. Every time a feather is lost, when it grows back it is "stronger, bigger, more resilient and more vibrant" (to quote her). She said that she thought of me and my strength. She wanted to take a picture of me and somehow incorporate peacocks into it. The following pictures are ones that she took, using that concept.






The only reason that people think that I am strong is because they see the strength that God gives me.. It is nothing in and of myself. It is cool to be compared to something that gets stronger as it grows back. I'd like to think that I'm growing again, getting stronger with each day. I feel like I am. I don't remember that I'm a widow every moment of every day anymore. I can go even a couple of days without tearing up even, and I don't cry half as much as I used to! God's strength is amazing. I read stories of people who have lost a spouse, and my heart goes out to them when I can tell that they are trying to walk this path alone. It has to be so difficult for them. I pray that God continues to use me. I cringed sometimes when I think about how many people are watching me. I just know that I'm going to fail. I'm not perfect. That is when I have to remember that it isn't about me, it is about Christ and His perfect will for my life. He knows I'm going to fail too, and He will use those failures for His glory!

Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face continually. I Chronicles 16:11

The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart exults, and with my song I shall thank Him. Psalm 28:7

The LORD will give strength to His people; the LORD will bless His people with peace. Psalm 29:11

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

May we all remember to lean on the Lord and His strength!

P.S. Isn't this photographer amazing! She is a wonderful person too!

March 11, 1982

Today would have been Jared's 28th birthday, and it's been a good day. My thought of the day, Heaven is a wonderful place to spend your birthday! I can't wait for that day myself. :)

On this day, I'm grateful to God for bringing his parents together who were then blessed to have Jared. They raised an incredible man! I'm grateful to our Lord and Savior who saw fit to save him, otherwise I wouldn't know for certain that he is in heaven. I'm grateful that God moved me to Midland so I could meet him and be his wife! I'm grateful I was able to spend two birthdays with him, better than none! In other words, I am grateful for this day!

Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a mere breath. Psalm 39:4-5

Since his days are determined. The number of his months is with You. And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass. Job 14:5

Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written that days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. Psalm 139:16

God knows everything that is going to happen to us and when it is going to happen, nothing surprises Him! We can have peace knowing that!

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever! Psalm 23:6

Hosanna

I was running some errands this morning before I went to work. I had the radio on, surprise, surprise. I heard a song that caused a huge smile and was a great reminder about why I'm really here on earth. The song is Hosanna by Hillsong, and the part that I really liked was:

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into....Eternity.

It made me think that I don't know the big picture. I should be praying more that God opens my eyes to the things unseen. I don't mean in the way that He reveals the future to me. I want to understand my Savior in a deep way, for Him to reveal more of His character to me so I can better grasp who He is and how much He really does love me. That in turn makes me more like Him, which ties into the "break my heart for breaks His". Constantly making me think of what is behind my motivation, understanding why I'm here, and loving people as He loves me. I've said this before, my life isn't my own, it's God's life. He can do with it what He wants. I need to give Him the glory He deserves and die to myself.

Romans 8:18, 24-25 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Lots of good verses in between.) For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.

Prayer

I remembered something today that happened while Jared was in the hospital. When the doctors determined that Jared needed to have chemotherapy, I had to sign the paperwork to authorize it. Jared wasn't coherent because of all the medication that he was on. The nursing staff/doctors kicked all of us out of the room in order to administer it. When we were allowed back in, one of the nurses told us that before they began, Jared said "let's pray".

What I was thinking about today was that even though Jared wasn't totally coherent, his mind still went to praying first, depending on the Lord during his circumstance. Kinda gave me a catch in my spirit. I'll admit it, praying/calling on the Lord is not always the first thing that I think to do. I usually get frustrated first, and then a couple of hours later I remember that frustration is not the correct response, then I pray. May we all remember to pray about a situation before we step forward. After all, the Bible does say, Pray without ceasing....I Thess. 5:17

Weekend

Great day at church. Good sermon, it gave me a lot to think about. The sermon was about how if we give Satan an inch, he'll take a mile. We need to constantly be on the alert, guarding ourselves against the devil, putting our focus on Christ. It was a good reminder but convicting also.

I had a good weekend. Sadness though, the Olympics are over, I'm not going to know what to do with my evenings. Well maybe I do, I might actually get my kitchen and closet organized! But back to the Olympics, it was a great hockey game, too bad team USA didn't win. I would like to visit Canada, they did a great job at promoting their country. I've been to Canada, but it was as a child, I would probably appreciate it more now, as an adult.

I did some sewing this weekend....domestic, I know. :) It was one of the few times I've done a sewing project without wanting to rip my hair out. The sewing machine had quite a bit of dust on it and it is now back to collecting more! Maybe I should pull it out again and finish my ten year quilt project. That "year" number keeps getting bigger......:)

Saturday was moving day. Thankfully, instead of having to sell my house, the Lord provided roommates for me. I wasn't the one who had to do the moving!! My friends are getting settled in and it is nice to have the company. My life is changing more and more. This is where God has me right now and hopefully I'm continuing to follow His footsteps in the manner that HE wants me to. I am so grateful that He continues to take care of me. He promises to do it and going through a trial has allowed me to see His hand work in my life in amazing ways!

A co-worker of mine sent this verse to me last week, a great reminder.

Psalm 138:8 The Lord will accomplish what concerns me. Your lovingkindness, O Lord, is everlasting; do not forsake the works of Your hands.