Identity

My mind has been going in all different directions in the past few weeks, trying to figure out what my purpose is in life.  Like I told you in my last post, I need to just wait on the Lord right now, but that doesn't stop my mind from still going.  I think I have finally narrowed down what I have been thinking through. The subject of identity.

All my life, I have had some kind of identity, or the job that identified me.  One of the first things people will ask when you meet them is "what do you do?".  I've been a child, a student, an assistant manager, a student again, a medical assistant, a widow, a ministry director and now a wife.  For most of those "identities", especially the job related ones,  I received training of some kind.  I was taught what to do and I did it.  There was no manual for the widow identity or now for the wife identity.  Yes, the Bible tells us some rules/guidelines to follow, but for the everyday life of being a wife there really isn't a training book.  Being a wife is now my only "job" and I'm still learning what that all means.  I'm trying figure out what that looks like for me, because everyone is different.  I can't just look at any wife, follow her example and do exactly what she does.  I can gain ideas, but her life isn't my life.

While I was thinking about all of this, I realized that I shouldn't just identify myself as a wife.  My true identity should be found in Christ.  First and foremost, I should be identified as a follower of Christ and learning what that means in my life.  I want to be known as His child before I'm known for anything else.  I do think that if I strive to be like Him, everything else will fall into place.

Still working on it

I am working on/messing around with the look of my blog.  I want to change it up, make it a bit different that it had been in the past.  This will probably include changing the content also, because my life is so much different than when I began this blog in 2009.  I guess I want a new start and that includes the look of the blog.  I think I need to do some research before I do anything else, I have no clue what I am doing.  It might be like this for awhile though until I can figure it all out.  The picture at the top is an engagement picture that we took, just so you know they aren't just random feet. :)

God has really been working on me.  I can't say that I like it, but when you are married you learn a lot about yourself.   Believe me, I wouldn't change anything, but I realized that God is refining me through having a husband.  It has been a learning process for me.  Right now, I think God is teaching me to be still.  I have spent so much time "doing" because I had to, that is has been difficult for me to rest and relax.  Mr. E tells me that is my chance to take a break for a while and I should enjoy myself, but it is hard for me.  I find fulfillment in keeping busy and being needed, but I think God is teaching me that I need to be satisfied in Him first and then I will feel fulfilled in everything that He gives me and will use me as He sees fit.  I just need to wait and rest in the knowledge that He knows the direction that He wants me to go and the plan that He has for me, I mean us.

House and pictures

Finally getting a chance to blog.

First of all, I love being married to Mr. E!  It is so nice to have a husband walking by my side.

I have had some mixed emotions this past week.  On Monday, we closed on the house that I owned, the one that Jared bought.  I had no idea that I was going to have the emotions that I had.  Thankfully, I had my breakdown in the week prior, so there were no emotions at the closing. :)  I don't know why it hit me, but when the thought that this was the final thing that was left of my other life, I couldn't hold it in.  I think a lot of it had to do with all the changes in my life, the stress of getting everything out of the house and lack of sleep.  I still can't express what I was feeling, but I guess it doesn't really matter.  I'm glad that I can move on and I was fine when it was all finished. I'm so glad that I have a new life ahead of me to look forward to and I'm extremely excited about it.  God continues to bless and provide for us and I hope that I never forget all that He has done and will continue to do.  Speaking of the new life..........

We got the wedding pictures back!  Here are a couple of them.  Enjoy!

This last picture is a cool one.  Mr. E's friend suggested this unity rope about two days before the wedding.  Using the verse in Ecclesiastics that says, "a three-fold cord is not easily broken", we braided a rope that had significance to each color white, purple and yellow..........I know there was meaning for the color association, but I don't remember them right now.  The ironic thing, purple and yellow were our accent colors to white and black.   Worked out quite well to say the least.  :)

Weekend thoughts

On Thursday and Friday I was again able to volunteer for my favorite conference at the church I attend.  I think I get more out of the conference than the people that are attending!

Throughout the weekend you hear testimonies of people who tell about struggles in their lives and how God is walking or has walked them through the difficult times.  I know that God had me there for one specific thing that one particular woman talked about.  She was talking about her home life growing up and how her dad had died when she was young.  She had to then become self-sufficient and learned to do a lot on her own.  After she was married, she still had that same mentality and it was a struggle for her and her husband.

Wow.  That pretty much summed up some things that I am going through as a new wife.  I am so used to having to do things on my own that I am struggling to let my husband help me.  This includes physical things and emotional things.  Although I was married before, I had to continue to be the strong one in those few weeks (just to clarify, I was fine with that, I was there to be his helper).  I am now married to someone (other than God) who can help me with the burdens and struggles that I have.  However, it is difficult for me to let go and have someone help me, for fear I may have to be on my own again........ it has happened before.  I can't live in that fear.  God has given me a Godly man who will pray for me and help me to work through the things that weigh me down and I need to let him.  I was thankful that God showed me that this is a weak spot in my life that I need to turn over to Him.  His grace will always be sufficient, no matter what.

In my Bible reading today this is what I read, He repeats Himself for a couple of verses. It is something that I need to repeat over and over to myself also.

Psalm 115:9-11:

O Israel, trust in the Lord; He is their help and their shield.
O house of Aaron, trust in the Lord; He is their help and their shield.
You who revere the Lord, trust in the Lord; He is their help and their shield.

He makes beautiful things

God talks to me in various ways, but I think music is the way that I hear Him speak to me the most.  Nature is another way, but with that I feel overwhelmed by Him and how awesome He is.

There is a song, not sure of the title, but it goes:

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You


Then the song goes on to talk about how He makes us new in Him.


This song is how I feel my life is right now.  Out of all the pain that I have experienced, He is really making beautiful things.  And I can see it!!!  Not that I couldn't see it before, because I could, it is just that it is so very blatant now with my new life with my husband.

I have yet to see any wedding pictures, so I thought I would share a picture of the two of us on our honeymoon.  We had such a great time and this was definitely a place that I saw the awesomeness of our Creator!

Never Once

We've sung this song at church a couple of times.  I don't know who sings it, but the gist of the song is that God is with us all the time.  Part of the song goes:

"Never once did we ever walk alone, never once did You leave us on our own, You are faithful, God, You are faithful."

Every time I have heard this song, it reminds me of how I've never been alone in my journey.  There have been times that I have felt alone, but that hasn't been the case, God has always been there.  He is so faithful, even when we are not.  He loves me and cares about every detail of my life.  I'm so glad that I'm His and He will never let me go.

My life is great! I'm getting ready to marry the man I love and I can't wait to be his wife and begin our lives together.  Here is one of our engagement pictures.  He's so handsome!  :)

Here me are!

Good morning Saturday!

Yes, I am trying to pep myself up.  I would like nothing better today than to curl up on the couch and watch a movie or immerse myself in a book.  Unfortunately, that is not going to happen today.

I apologize for my lack of posts.  I am busier now than I have been in a very long time.  I look back at my life six months ago and I thought I was busy then, HA! 

In my last post I told you all I was getting married.  Sidenote, I'm so excited!  What I did not tell you is that Mr. E and I decided a while back that when we got engaged we did not want a long engagement.  So......we are planning a wedding for the end of this month.  Yikes!  I'm also trying to sell my house.  Double yikes!  All in all, it is going very smoothly.  It is all coming together, although not always in my timing, but when I know that God's timing is always perfect, I know that everything will get done.  Yes, I have to tell myself that several times in a day. 

This has also been a testing time for me.  I'm fairly certain I've been failing at it.  It has been very difficult for me to have patience and trust that God will work everything out.  I get upset with myself because I know this, I've see Him work so many times, but I keep forgetting!  Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning and He has given me a laid-back, Godly man who prays for me and takes everything very calmly.  :) 

I just wanted to thank you all for your well-wishes for me and Mr. E.  I may not always respond, but know that I read them and I love hearing from you all and how you came about finding my blog.

I will continue to post, but know that for the next month or so, it may be sporadic.