Forgetfulness

Last week was a week that I would not like to repeat anytime soon.  It wasn't too bad, just painful.  I had some oral surgery a week ago and I'm just now getting the point where I don't have to take ibuprofen every few hours.  Eating has been interesting.....yeah, I don't recommend this diet.  :)   Mr. E has been wonderful, he cooked things I could actually eat, he's so great!  Needless to say, in this process, I've had lots of downtime.  That can be a good thing, but for me, it gives me lots of time to think.

I'm learning something about myself.  If I am not careful I can let my mind start to run in all different directions.  I am really good at coming up with scenarios in my head and going with them. These can be both good and bad scenarios.  I can wonder about things and/or try to figure out how I can do them or fix them. I will even spend time second guessing myself on things that have already happened, did I do it right?, what didn't I do right?, was that what I was supposed to do in the first place?, etc.  Most of the time when I begin to think this way, I forget to turn to God.  I forget that He already has a plan and direction for me to go.  I forget that His ways are higher than my ways, His thoughts higher than my thoughts.  I forget that He can take my messes and turn them into something good.  After this past week, I need to remember to pray to have God "capture my thoughts" (as a friend always tells me) and begin to dwell on Scripture to help me turn my thoughts towards Christ.

Sidenote.  This is something I read yesterday that I want to remember in the future when I read through this blog again someday.  It was in the context of losing a spouse.

That person can either be a spring of gratitude and joy, or they can be a fountain of bitterness and pain.  It is entirely up to you.

Garden

Finally, some garden pictures for you to enjoy!  Sorry the pictures aren't the greatest quality, they were taken with my phone. We have cantaloupes, cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, hot peppers, green beans, potatoes and okra planted.  We are getting some produce now, not a lot, but enough to keep us going out to the garden everyday to make sure there is nothing else to pick! The second to the last picture is the watering system that automatically waters every other day.  Each row has its own water running to it.  Works out great! Thankfully we live out in the country and we have our own water well, so we are not under the same watering restrictions that the city has put in place in town.

Jonah

On Wednesday, I began a ladies Bible study at church.  It is the first one that I have done with a group of ladies since right after Jared past away.  When I attended that one, it fit perfectly with what I was going through.  This study is no different.  To tell you the truth, I think it is going to rock my world a bit.  We are going to go through the book of Jonah and the intro session already has me thinking......a lot.  The subtitle of the study is "an interrupted life".

I will let you in on a bit about me.  I don't like to have my life interrupted.  I like to plan out a week, a couple of weeks or even a month at a time.  Any guesses as to how often everything goes as planned?  My guess, which is not really a guess, is never.  I'm not sure why I still get frustrated when things don't go as planned because I should be used to my plans being thwarted by now!  However, I am not.  This has become more evident now that I am married and someone else has plans too! :) Anyway, back to the study.  The writer of the study mentioned how frustrated Jonah was when God interrupted his plans, he tried to run away to get out of what God called him to do.  Do we always jump to do what God is calling us to do?  Do we think of God's plans as interruptions or do we get excited because He is including us in His will?  Personally, I lean towards thinking that His plans are interruptions instead of divine interventions.  I hope to change that soon!

Here is a quote that I just read that kinda goes along with this post.  This is how I sometimes feel when God changes my plans.

We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us, we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.  C.S. Lewis

Camp 2012

I just returned from one of my favorite weeks of the year.......camp week.

My church took about 230 5th and 6th graders to camp.  It was such fun.  It was different going as a volunteer this time, but I enjoyed having more interaction with the kids.  It was a hard week with little sleep, cafeteria food (it wasn't too bad though) and being away from Mr. E, but when I heard of kids receiving God's grace and love and becoming His child, it made it all worth it.

Life is good. We are finally settled in and hopefully we will be getting into a normal routine soon.  I've been waiting for this week for a while now, knowing that camp was the last thing that we had on our radar.

God really is showing both of us His goodness.  Although our schedules have been busy and we seem tired all the time, we can look at our lives and see that He is walking with us.  We are keeping Him in the center of our lives and looking to Him for the next steps that He would like us to take. We are staying open to His leading, but in the meantime we are content where He has us.   God is so good!

Identity

My mind has been going in all different directions in the past few weeks, trying to figure out what my purpose is in life.  Like I told you in my last post, I need to just wait on the Lord right now, but that doesn't stop my mind from still going.  I think I have finally narrowed down what I have been thinking through. The subject of identity.

All my life, I have had some kind of identity, or the job that identified me.  One of the first things people will ask when you meet them is "what do you do?".  I've been a child, a student, an assistant manager, a student again, a medical assistant, a widow, a ministry director and now a wife.  For most of those "identities", especially the job related ones,  I received training of some kind.  I was taught what to do and I did it.  There was no manual for the widow identity or now for the wife identity.  Yes, the Bible tells us some rules/guidelines to follow, but for the everyday life of being a wife there really isn't a training book.  Being a wife is now my only "job" and I'm still learning what that all means.  I'm trying figure out what that looks like for me, because everyone is different.  I can't just look at any wife, follow her example and do exactly what she does.  I can gain ideas, but her life isn't my life.

While I was thinking about all of this, I realized that I shouldn't just identify myself as a wife.  My true identity should be found in Christ.  First and foremost, I should be identified as a follower of Christ and learning what that means in my life.  I want to be known as His child before I'm known for anything else.  I do think that if I strive to be like Him, everything else will fall into place.

Still working on it

I am working on/messing around with the look of my blog.  I want to change it up, make it a bit different that it had been in the past.  This will probably include changing the content also, because my life is so much different than when I began this blog in 2009.  I guess I want a new start and that includes the look of the blog.  I think I need to do some research before I do anything else, I have no clue what I am doing.  It might be like this for awhile though until I can figure it all out.  The picture at the top is an engagement picture that we took, just so you know they aren't just random feet. :)

God has really been working on me.  I can't say that I like it, but when you are married you learn a lot about yourself.   Believe me, I wouldn't change anything, but I realized that God is refining me through having a husband.  It has been a learning process for me.  Right now, I think God is teaching me to be still.  I have spent so much time "doing" because I had to, that is has been difficult for me to rest and relax.  Mr. E tells me that is my chance to take a break for a while and I should enjoy myself, but it is hard for me.  I find fulfillment in keeping busy and being needed, but I think God is teaching me that I need to be satisfied in Him first and then I will feel fulfilled in everything that He gives me and will use me as He sees fit.  I just need to wait and rest in the knowledge that He knows the direction that He wants me to go and the plan that He has for me, I mean us.

House and pictures

Finally getting a chance to blog.

First of all, I love being married to Mr. E!  It is so nice to have a husband walking by my side.

I have had some mixed emotions this past week.  On Monday, we closed on the house that I owned, the one that Jared bought.  I had no idea that I was going to have the emotions that I had.  Thankfully, I had my breakdown in the week prior, so there were no emotions at the closing. :)  I don't know why it hit me, but when the thought that this was the final thing that was left of my other life, I couldn't hold it in.  I think a lot of it had to do with all the changes in my life, the stress of getting everything out of the house and lack of sleep.  I still can't express what I was feeling, but I guess it doesn't really matter.  I'm glad that I can move on and I was fine when it was all finished. I'm so glad that I have a new life ahead of me to look forward to and I'm extremely excited about it.  God continues to bless and provide for us and I hope that I never forget all that He has done and will continue to do.  Speaking of the new life..........

We got the wedding pictures back!  Here are a couple of them.  Enjoy!

This last picture is a cool one.  Mr. E's friend suggested this unity rope about two days before the wedding.  Using the verse in Ecclesiastics that says, "a three-fold cord is not easily broken", we braided a rope that had significance to each color white, purple and yellow..........I know there was meaning for the color association, but I don't remember them right now.  The ironic thing, purple and yellow were our accent colors to white and black.   Worked out quite well to say the least.  :)