Thinking

This past week I attended a conference in Dallas. One more thing to check off the list. I haven't been back to Dallas since the day after Jared went to be with the Lord. I really didn't dread it, but I also knew that we weren't going to go in the direction of the hospital....I still think I would have been fine. It is hard to believe it has been 10 months now. People have asked me if it seems like it's been a long time or just yesterday. I think I can say that it feels like a long time ago. I am not saying that things have faded and I've forgotten Jared, but my thinking is different than it used to be.

* I don't constantly think "Jared isn't here to see this", like I used to.

* I don't correlate places I go or see with Jared as much either. I may think about it, but it is usually without sadness.

* I feel like I can make decisions without thinking, "would Jared like this or not?".

* I don't get off work and remember, oh, I'm going to the house that Jared lived in and he's not there. I consider my house, my house now.

* I can plan a trip and not dread it because Jared isn't going to be with me.

* I am enjoying my life again, laughing lots, and looking forward to the future with great anticipation. :)