Just stuff

I must confess that in reading some of my blog, I sound like I have it all together, or I mostly do. It has made we wonder today if my stubbornness to get this all "right" is preventing God to really work through me. Is my pride getting in the way. I get really mad at myself if I cry, especially in public. To me that means that I am not trusting God. I will admit that I've put up a front. Don't get me wrong, I am good most of the time, but there are occasional days that I do want to "get lost". There are occasional days that I am frustrated with my now life. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks that I am.

There are things that I have yet to face. I have put off cleaning out the closet and drawers. I've pushed Jared's clothes as far over as I can, so I have enough room for my stuff, but the closet is crammed. I just haven't wanted to actually take them out of the closet. You should see my room and bathroom, there are pictures of us all over still. I wear Jared's wedding band and just took mine off today. I thought it was about time. I have thought that I was letting go, but looking at the things that I have yet to do I guess I really haven't let go all that much. There are other things that I thought I had "taken care of" but today I had second thoughts on whether or not I really had. I still have lots more steps to take in this journey.....there are still lots of cracks in the armor that I've tried to put around me.