Service

I knew today would get me.  I had been ok all week, but I was also busy.  I knew seeing a family walk in for the meal would bring back memories.  I tried my best to put any memories out of my head while they were there.  Today, it wasn't about me.  Our job was to help in anyway we could to make the family as comfortable as they could be, under the circumstances.  I think I did ok with that. Then the service began.  Slideshow, service, husband speaking, music played were all so close to what we did a year ago.  I held it together fairly well except for one moment.  I turned around and noticed that the family was about to walk in.  I let my mind go back for a second, that was a long walk.  I lost it for a couple of moments. 

Someone came up to me and said that it must have been a hard day for me.  It was, but not for the reason they thought.  It was difficult to have the memories popping up, but what was harder for me was that I knew what the family was going through and will go through.  Adrenaline kicks in, that may sound strange, but it's true.  You know that you have to get through the initial days of the visitation and funeral services.  People are constantly with you, you have to keep taking that one more step forward.   The hard part is when it is all done and you go home and realize that that is it.  It's final.  That's what I was thinking as I watched the family leave.  The huge letdown that happens and reality that hits.  I hurt for the family.

I pray that they find the strength that only God can give them, the peace that passes all understanding (Phil 4:7), and the knowledge that God has a plan (Jer. 29:11), even when we don't understand.  Even though I don't understand, I do remember that God is in His heaven and does whatever He pleases (Psalm 115:3), He will love no matter what (Psalm 136), He was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief (Is 53:3),  He will give strength and peace (Psalm 29:11), and in the end, weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)  He will restore joy!  (Job 8:21)

By the way, one of the final songs sung at this service, was also one we requested at Jared's service:

It is Well with My Soul by Horatio Spafford

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Although it was a tough day, tonight, I can echo those words too, it is well with my soul.