Getting Better

I did not want to get out of bed this morning. It was so cozy and I needed more sleep! That is the one thing I notice that is different for me. I used to hit the pillow and fall right to sleep. I don't do that anymore. It takes me forever to fall asleep, when I finally do, I'm out for the night, but I can about guarantee that I will not fall asleep until after 11:00pm. It's even worse now that the Olympics are on! :) In other words, I'm tired a lot. Coffee has become my best friend...

I realized yesterday that today was going to be seven months. The thought surprised me, because I usually start dreading those anniversaries long before they come. I thought this morning that Jared has now been in heaven longer than we were engaged and married put together. Yikes! Time flies when you're having.......ok, I wouldn't call it fun. Time just flies. I try my hardest not to cry in front of people, so usually on days that have a significance I try to do most of my crying at home before I get to work. Today was different. When I thought about the fact that Jared had been gone longer, etc., I didn't break down at all like I should have. Is that a sign that things are getting better? Or is this a one time deal? (that's my pessimistic side talking.) I had to tell someone I was a widow this past week. That usually will end in lots of tears, and although I felt them coming on, acknowledging the "widow" fact didn't grip me like it has in the past. Another surprise. I'd like to think that I am slowly healing, not that I'm healed completely, and things are getting better. I'm getting even more used to my life now, and like I said a week or so ago, I'm making plans again.

Random story that I thought was cool. I was talking with someone who knew Jared very well. He told me that Jared was a man who was wise beyond his years and he wishes that he could be half the man that Jared was. That was so great for me to hear! The way Jared lived his life is still being remembered and being used as an example to others!! One more thing to make these last seven months worth it!!

My impatience is showing again this week. I want to finish some things that I'm unable to, because of having to wait on other things. Then I see the picture on my desk that some great friends gave to me....the verse Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God. I take a deep sigh and say, "yes Lord, You are right, Your timing is always perfect, and in the mean time, I need to remain still."