Identity

My mind has been going in all different directions in the past few weeks, trying to figure out what my purpose is in life.  Like I told you in my last post, I need to just wait on the Lord right now, but that doesn't stop my mind from still going.  I think I have finally narrowed down what I have been thinking through. The subject of identity.

All my life, I have had some kind of identity, or the job that identified me.  One of the first things people will ask when you meet them is "what do you do?".  I've been a child, a student, an assistant manager, a student again, a medical assistant, a widow, a ministry director and now a wife.  For most of those "identities", especially the job related ones,  I received training of some kind.  I was taught what to do and I did it.  There was no manual for the widow identity or now for the wife identity.  Yes, the Bible tells us some rules/guidelines to follow, but for the everyday life of being a wife there really isn't a training book.  Being a wife is now my only "job" and I'm still learning what that all means.  I'm trying figure out what that looks like for me, because everyone is different.  I can't just look at any wife, follow her example and do exactly what she does.  I can gain ideas, but her life isn't my life.

While I was thinking about all of this, I realized that I shouldn't just identify myself as a wife.  My true identity should be found in Christ.  First and foremost, I should be identified as a follower of Christ and learning what that means in my life.  I want to be known as His child before I'm known for anything else.  I do think that if I strive to be like Him, everything else will fall into place.

Still working on it

I am working on/messing around with the look of my blog.  I want to change it up, make it a bit different that it had been in the past.  This will probably include changing the content also, because my life is so much different than when I began this blog in 2009.  I guess I want a new start and that includes the look of the blog.  I think I need to do some research before I do anything else, I have no clue what I am doing.  It might be like this for awhile though until I can figure it all out.  The picture at the top is an engagement picture that we took, just so you know they aren't just random feet. :)

God has really been working on me.  I can't say that I like it, but when you are married you learn a lot about yourself.   Believe me, I wouldn't change anything, but I realized that God is refining me through having a husband.  It has been a learning process for me.  Right now, I think God is teaching me to be still.  I have spent so much time "doing" because I had to, that is has been difficult for me to rest and relax.  Mr. E tells me that is my chance to take a break for a while and I should enjoy myself, but it is hard for me.  I find fulfillment in keeping busy and being needed, but I think God is teaching me that I need to be satisfied in Him first and then I will feel fulfilled in everything that He gives me and will use me as He sees fit.  I just need to wait and rest in the knowledge that He knows the direction that He wants me to go and the plan that He has for me, I mean us.

House and pictures

Finally getting a chance to blog.

First of all, I love being married to Mr. E!  It is so nice to have a husband walking by my side.

I have had some mixed emotions this past week.  On Monday, we closed on the house that I owned, the one that Jared bought.  I had no idea that I was going to have the emotions that I had.  Thankfully, I had my breakdown in the week prior, so there were no emotions at the closing. :)  I don't know why it hit me, but when the thought that this was the final thing that was left of my other life, I couldn't hold it in.  I think a lot of it had to do with all the changes in my life, the stress of getting everything out of the house and lack of sleep.  I still can't express what I was feeling, but I guess it doesn't really matter.  I'm glad that I can move on and I was fine when it was all finished. I'm so glad that I have a new life ahead of me to look forward to and I'm extremely excited about it.  God continues to bless and provide for us and I hope that I never forget all that He has done and will continue to do.  Speaking of the new life..........

We got the wedding pictures back!  Here are a couple of them.  Enjoy!

This last picture is a cool one.  Mr. E's friend suggested this unity rope about two days before the wedding.  Using the verse in Ecclesiastics that says, "a three-fold cord is not easily broken", we braided a rope that had significance to each color white, purple and yellow..........I know there was meaning for the color association, but I don't remember them right now.  The ironic thing, purple and yellow were our accent colors to white and black.   Worked out quite well to say the least.  :)