Soapbox

I have so much going through my brain this past week that I don't know if I can put it all down in a concise way.

First of all, my life is going well. Last week was a little difficult, I had a headache to beat all headaches and I wasn't able to rest much at all. However, if I stop and think about what I have going on, I am really enjoying what I am doing and where God has me. I'm trying my best to run hard after Him and trust Him entirely, believe me, I don't think I am doing a very good job at it, but I'm trying! It makes life so much easier and how I wish that I could remember to do this always!

Ok, here goes!

Speaking of running after Him, this is where I am, I apologize if this doesn't make sense to anyone but me. There are so many things going through my head that if I don't write them down I may not be able sleep tonight!

Doctrine. I know some people do not like doctrine, they just want to believe what the Bible says and stick to that. I understand where they come from, but I am not one of those people. I pick things apart because that is my analytical nature. I find doctrine fascinating and have debated it on many occasions. Well, the subject of doctrine has come up again in my life, and I'm about to get on a soapbox. It is very difficult for me to sit back and listen to or read doctrine that I believe is not Biblical. I heard someone say last week, that God is just waiting for us to choose between good and evil. I was also reading a book that made the comment that God has given us a free will. Yeah, I don't agree at all. Yes, can we make choices, what to eat, what we do everyday, etc., but when it comes to salvation, nope. We are wicked, we would never choose good, there is nothing good in us. Romans 3:10-11 and Psalm 14:1-3. What bugs me the most about people telling me that we can choose God and that He is just waiting for us to come to Him, is that that means we can make decisions for God, that He doesn't necessarily have complete control. They put God in a box, making Him depend on us and our "decision". Great, that puts me in charge, which is not such a good idea. I am so glad that is not the case, it is a scary thought to think that I could be in charge and that my decisions will affect God and His will for my life. Romans 8:29-30 and Ephesians 1:11

Next thing. I have had the story of Lot come up in my life a couple of times in the past week or so. Lot and his family were told not to look back at Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot's wife decided that she would look back, and the Lord turned her into a pillar of salt. (I have often wonder why God chose that method of punishment.....) When I hear things a couple of times I have to ask myself what God is trying to show me. Sunday's sermon was also along the same lines. Pastor talked about pressing on, fixing our eyes on Jesus, using a passage that has become one of my favorites, Hebrews 12:1-2. I am notorious for looking backwards, lots of second guessing goes on in my brain. It is easier for me to look backwards than to look towards the future. The future is very unsettling for me because there may (ok, will) be change in it. I know in my heart that God is in control of my future, but I still sometimes have inward uneasiness when I think about possible changes. I don't know why this bothers me so much, but it does sometimes and today happens to be one of those times. I need to keep my eyes fixed on Him and forget the things that entangle me, including the scariness of looking at the future.

Well, there has been more, but I'm too tired to think about it. Part two sometime this week.....maybe.