Tough week

It's been a tough week. I'm having to go back and hold on to everything that God has been teaching me these last few months. I have a good friend that is going through a tough time right now and it just breaks my heart to see her and her husband suffering. (just received good news on that front!)

Received the news today that a relative of some family friends passed away last night. I've followed the wife's blog for months now and my heart just aches for his wife and small children as they are going through this season. (This man was younger than Jared.) This news has taken me back to July and those first few hours and days, remembering the mixed emotions that I had. The emptiness, loneliness, overwhelming sadness, thoughts of 'how will I ever get through this', but yet relief that Jared wasn't suffering anymore, rejoicing that he was with his Savior. Life is forever changed when you experience a loss of a spouse, or any loss for that matter. I understand the loss of a spouse, so I can only speak from that perspective. It saddens me to know that this wife is going to walk the same road that I've been on, and she is just starting out. As much as I would like to fast-forward my life, I am certain that she probably wants that even more so right now. I remember wishing that I didn't have to go through the visitation and funeral. I was tired, emotional and just wanted to be alone. Clarification, you all were wonderful and encouraging and I am extremely grateful for how you supported us the way you did. Couldn't have done it without you! It was all just emotionally draining.

I am certain that I've said this before but without Christ this journey would, for lack of a better term, suck. I know this woman is an amazing woman of God and she will also get to experience the strength that only God can give her. Leaning on the Lord during a 'tragedy' will give you an awesome perspective of how great of a God we serve and how great His affections are for us! What more could I ask for?

How He Loves Us - David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us.

Blogs/Stories

I did something this evening that I haven't done since the week or so after Jared died. I was on the computer searching for other people who have lost a spouse. I like to read other people's stories, it may be a comfort thing for me, knowing that I'm not the only one, but I don't know why I chose to do it tonight. I really didn't find too many blogs, but the ones that I did find ended up being kinda depressing. So many of them were written by people who didn't seem to have the hope of Christ in their life, that I am so grateful that I have. Some had spouses that passed away years ago, but you can tell by their posts that they are still having a difficult time. My heart just ached for them. I'm not saying that I won't ever be in their shoes, who knows, this journey is quite unpredictable. It made me stop and wonder, without God in my life, what would my story look like right now? Where would I be, would I be in major depression, would I even be functioning? I am so thankful that God saw fit to save me and be the Rock that I need to help me through this season of life.

I did come across a blog about someone who lost a baby. Reading her blog was so encouraging. The one song that she had playing in the background was "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe. The chorus to that song is:

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain.

I second what this song says, bring the rain if that's what it takes to bring glory to God. I know that by saying that, I'm asking for it, but I know that the Lord is my Shepherd and He is always with me. My dad used a verse from Job during Jared's service, Job 2:10, "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" If life was easy, we would never realize that the arms of God, that carry us through struggles, are so incredibly strong!