I had loads of fun on my vacation. It was the first time I have spent time on a warm beach. The only other beaches I have been to (that I remember) were in Connecticut and Alaska. Not your typical beach vacation spots. :) I am not a huge water person, I hate water in my face, but that didn't stop me from getting in the ocean at all. In fact, I enjoyed it immensely!! I didn't get that sunburned, just in spots, and even managed a bit of a tan.....ok, I'm just not as white! I went bungee jumping twice, the first time I wasn't nervous at all, the second time I knew what to expect and hesitated a bit before jumping, but it was still fun! We also played mini golf, raced go-karts, bumper cars, and played random arcade games at the Track. Oh, and restaurants.........the seafood was so good!! I did not want to come home, but I did. I tried to leave "life" behind for the week and for the most part I did. I was able to keep some things off my mind which is surprising for me. One particular thing that I was told about a couple of days prior, I was able to let it go of. Actually, I think it was more that God just gave me a peace about it!
Water tends to bring out reflectiveness in me. Last August, I went to visit my best friend. I always try to get a window seat when I fly and this time was no different. As I sat staring out the window, I noticed a river. I watched it for a while and then turned back to the book I was reading, "Let Me Grieve but Not Forever". I couldn't stop thinking about that river and wrote the following in that book:
I just watched a river. It was extremely long. Some parts of it were straight, others were winding, some parts narrow, others wide. There is no explanation as to where the river will flow, except for God designing the river and creating it's banks. So is my life right now. No rhyme or reason except for the knowledge that God is in control, making my river (life) flow in the direction that He wants it to go.
Being at the beach this past week made me reflect again on my life. On Wednesday night, I had a rush of emotions after we returned from "The Track". I decided to take a midnight walk on the beach. That didn't go over too well with some people :) and I was followed, but not before I was able to think (and cry) for a little while. I had spent some time earlier that evening watching people, more specifically couples. That's kinda a hard thing to do when you are on vacation, especially when you know what it is like to have that "better half" by your side. Before I met Jared, I was perfectly content with being single, now, not so much. I kinda had a pity party for myself for a little while. As I sat staring at the waves crash up against the beach, I realized I had to stop and just get over it! I watched the waves and paralleled them a little with my life. When we first got there, the beach was clear and clean. Throughout the week, green moss and grass washed up on the beach, and some days would be more gunky than others. No wave ever came in the same way, and some crashed more than others. Sometimes I feel like the waves crash in my life and none of them are the same. I also feel like "gunky" things are dragged into my life all the time. I often wonder when the calm seas will come again. As I sat there on the beach, another wave hit me. This wave was the thought that the same God that controlled the strong waves I was watching, controls all the waves in my life. Like the river, He knows the way it will flow. I don't need to wonder what the next wave will be because He will sustain me through it. I later thought of Psalm 139, especially verses 17 and 18.
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
He knows me so well, He knows what I need, when I need it. His thoughts toward me would outnumber the sand.....and believe me, there is lots of sand!!
Well, I'm now back to reality. It was so difficult to get out of bed this morning. My sleeping schedule is so messed up. I spent a week going to bed between 12 and 1 and getting up between 10 and 11 in the morning. I tried to go to bed early last night, but I just couldn't fall asleep until around midnight. Tomorrow, I try again to resume my 6am running/walking, so I better get to bed early tonight!