I always thought I would keep up better on this blog, but it is difficult to find time to type out my thoughts. I have lots of them, but little time.
10 years ago today, Jared went to be with his Savior. His eternal home.
I have thought about this day for quite a while. So hard to believe it has been this long. The last two years, on what would have been my wedding anniversary, have been really hard. People say it gets easier, but I'm not sure it does. I still have moments that I get emotional, especially when I least expect it. I still have lots of memories that pop in my head on a weekly basis. I've told my kids about Jared and shown them pictures of him, because it is part of my life. My daughter will mention Mr. Jared randomly, especially when we talk about heaven. One ironic thing that happened about two years ago. We were heading to take the kids to Sea World. (Sea World with Jared is one of my favorite memories) I have a stuffed bear that was Jared's bear and that I have kept. My daughter, who honestly never plays with it, but plays with stuffed animals all the time, picked that bear to take with her in the car. My husband and I looked at each other with wide eyes. I have even taken them to the cemetery where he is buried because my daughter wanted to see it. I try to keep his memory alive, but in my own ways, because it is hard to balance my life now, with my life then. Thankfully, I have a very understanding husband.
Yesterday, I just kept thinking about today. Got emotional when my husband mentioned that he knew the day was coming. I feel a tug-of-war because the 15th is my now husband's birthday, and I don't want his day to be clouded by the 16th. However, I woke up this morning with Jeremiah 29:11 on my mind, Jared's verse. I focused on the last part, "to give you a future and a hope". Jared has been living his "future" for 10 years, and I am sure, enjoying every part of it. :) I am living the future that God intended for me on this earth and enjoying it too, although it has many trials and difficulties that heaven does not. God has a path for each one of us. I am so very glad that part of my life path crossed with an amazing man, Jared. I haven't even come close to forgetting him in the past 10 years and I don't ever intend to. He was a rare jewel and I can guess that those who knew him would say the same thing.
This is rambling, but that is all I have time for right now. I did not want this day to go by without a mention.
