All over the place

My emotions have been all over the place today. No reason. By the way, it was actually a good day too. I know, it doesn't make sense. Got a little teary, ok, maybe a little more than teary, when I was discussing heaven with some co-workers. They weren't sad tears though, it was the thought that Jared had all the answers to the questions that we were asking one another! The jealously factor came out and I began to long for heaven all the more again. I know my "job" on earth isn't done yet, so I need to focus on that. It also helps to have great co-workers who make me laugh when I start to get teary....thanks ladies!! :)

Looking at a journal today, got to the end and what verse was used as an example....you guessed it...Jeremiah 29:11. I always have the verse in my head, it's hanging up in my house, and one of the last things I see before I leave in the morning. I just hadn't had it jump out at me in an unexpected place lately. Good to see it, caused a few more tears, but it always seems like God is talking straight to me when that happens.

Heard a song today and one line was "I was blessed because I was loved by you." Again, the tears came, but I was still able to smile. I was so blessed and actually, I still am.

So, it was a bit of a weepy day, but they weren't sad tears and only lasted for a few moments.

I have been very reluctant to join any grief classes. I've thought that maybe it's been my pride, that I'm doing ok, etc. It finally dawned on me today, while talking with someone else, that I don't want to because I don't want to focus on me/my emotions/my feelings. I think I have mentioned before that I am inclined/like to read about other people who have lost a loved one. It is helpful for me to read their response to grief and how God work in their life to help them through it. I finally realized that is the reason for my reluctance. Don't get me wrong, I think those classes are great for people, and I may eventually want to attend, who knows. What I'm saying is that I know my personality, if I focus too much on myself and begin to have a pity party, I may fall apart. :) Right now, I'd rather keep my focus off of me and looking upwards towards Christ instead. Honestly, that's where my focus should be anyway, no matter what is going on in my life. It is not about me, although sometimes it may seem like it is! :)

That was my day.

Wisconsin

I made it back to Wisconsin....finally. The travels were interesting. Delays and snow had us beginning to think that we would spend the night in Houston. Thankfully we were able to get to Chicago and the roads were good enough to get to my parent's house at 2am.

We befriended the flight attendants while we were sitting in the airport. I would recommend doing that anytime you are delayed. We were able to get the inside scoop on whether or not we were going to get out, and when we finally did board, they asked us if we wanted to move to an empty row that was available, and we got asked what we wanted to drink sooner than when the cart was going to get to us. I think that they felt sorry for me (us). While delayed we were discussing the wedding etc. and they asked us why are husbands weren't with us. Katherine responded that her husband was working and kinda talked about that for a few seconds, but that didn't deter them to ask me where mine was. The poor girl's look on her face when I responded that my husband was in heaven. Wasn't the response that she was expecting! They were so nice about it though, and although tears came to my eyes having to say that, I didn't lose it. Thank goodness!

Wedding. It was great to spend a little time with Ruthanne prior to her wedding. Not as much as I would have liked, but I couldn't begrudge her her honeymoon! I'm sure her husband wouldn't have gone for that anyway! :)

This was one day that I dreaded prior to the date and this one I was right about. My emotions did get the better of me during the ceremony, and afterward. Getting four hours of sleep the night before didn't help either! I'm always more emotional when I haven't had enough sleep. The message was really good, but hard to listen to. The pastor talked about the husband and wife's role in a marriage. The primary role for both of them being to help to sanctify each other, preparing one another for the day when they stand before the Lord on judgment day. All the heaven talk, and listening the vows of "in sickness and in health, until death do you part" was difficult. But like my mom said, I made it through it, and it is one more "first" down! I also saw relatives and people that I hadn't seen since my wedding that were extremely kind and supportive. Didn't help with the tears though. :) I am so happy for my sister and our new bro, and I am glad I was there to see the wedding. My sister was gorgeous (as usual, I don't think she's ever had a "bad look" a day in her life) and they both were beaming. I pray they have a long and happy life together! I just hope I didn't dampen their day! I tried to hold it together, but sometimes I can't control it. I'm getting better everyday though! This weekend was just one more step in this journey.

I'm enjoying the time with the family, just hanging out today and staying inside! It is cold outside, high of 27 predicted today. The snow is beautiful, especially yesterday when the trees were all frosted over and were completely white. Wisconsin is such a pretty place.

Heaven! 4 months ago today

I'm reminded that Jared passed from this life into His Savior's arms, four months ago today. Wow, I've made it a third of a year! You may not think that that is that amazing, but I do! Heard the song "One More Day" by Diamond Rio today and almost walked out of the store when it was playing. Then my thought was, no I shouldn't wish one more day, because Jared is having the time of his life in heaven worshiping our Lord and Savior. I wouldn't want him to leave that!! :)

I've had a good day today, I am truly blessed that God gave me my job here at Stonegate Fellowship. I couldn't have asked for a better group of co-workers. Since I don't have much of my family around here, it has been great to have a church family that helps support me in the everyday life. If I didn't have them, you may have seen me pack my bags and move back to Wisconsin. Sorry fam!! :) Reality, I don't think that would have happened either, God has placed me in Midland, TX for a reason, and unless I get the green light to go anywhere else, I'm here, waiting on God to reveal His next step/plan for me. It is actually kinda exciting! (Secret-I'm just praying He let's me stay in this area, I like it here.)

This poem has always been one of my favorites and for some reason, it came into my mind today. It may be familiar to you, but always a good reminder for me!

My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

~The Weaver

I just heard these verses read, Hosea 6:1-3:

Come, let us return to the Lord. For He has torn us, but he will heal us. He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day that we may live before Him. So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and he will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth.

I love it!