Psalm 3

I have great parents. They gave us the opportunity to be home-schooled (that's not the only reason why I think they are great). Because we were home-schooled, one of the things that we were able to do is memorize scripture as part of our education. I still remember the passages of scripture that I memorized as a child and quite often those passages bring comfort to me. I whispered Psalm 23 in Jared's ear many times when his fevers were high or when he was shaking uncontrollably or when he and I were feeling overwhelmed by everything. I'm so grateful for my parents that "made" us memorize scripture. I wish it was as easy to memorize now as it was when I was a kid.
Today, one of the first Psalms I learned came to mind, Psalm 3, and this line stood out:

But thou O Lord are a shield for me, my glory, and the lifter up of my head.

I've felt a bit overwhelmed today. Even though that is what I'm feeling, it is encouraging to remember that He is the lifter up of my head and He will sustain me.

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

~All that I Can Say, David Crowder Band

Tough week

It's been a tough week. I'm having to go back and hold on to everything that God has been teaching me these last few months. I have a good friend that is going through a tough time right now and it just breaks my heart to see her and her husband suffering. (just received good news on that front!)

Received the news today that a relative of some family friends passed away last night. I've followed the wife's blog for months now and my heart just aches for his wife and small children as they are going through this season. (This man was younger than Jared.) This news has taken me back to July and those first few hours and days, remembering the mixed emotions that I had. The emptiness, loneliness, overwhelming sadness, thoughts of 'how will I ever get through this', but yet relief that Jared wasn't suffering anymore, rejoicing that he was with his Savior. Life is forever changed when you experience a loss of a spouse, or any loss for that matter. I understand the loss of a spouse, so I can only speak from that perspective. It saddens me to know that this wife is going to walk the same road that I've been on, and she is just starting out. As much as I would like to fast-forward my life, I am certain that she probably wants that even more so right now. I remember wishing that I didn't have to go through the visitation and funeral. I was tired, emotional and just wanted to be alone. Clarification, you all were wonderful and encouraging and I am extremely grateful for how you supported us the way you did. Couldn't have done it without you! It was all just emotionally draining.

I am certain that I've said this before but without Christ this journey would, for lack of a better term, suck. I know this woman is an amazing woman of God and she will also get to experience the strength that only God can give her. Leaning on the Lord during a 'tragedy' will give you an awesome perspective of how great of a God we serve and how great His affections are for us! What more could I ask for?

How He Loves Us - David Crowder Band

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us.